Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Zimbabwe will keep us in check

Have your Human Rights been violated? Don't worry, Zimbabwe is on the case! Yes, everyones favourite former hope for a continent turned impoverished dictatorship has been re-elected to the UN's Human Right's Commission. The Commission, which exists mostly to scoff at those whose human rights are being violated, is currently populated by such fine nations as Sudan (who will defend your human right to commit genocide any day of the week), Cuba (who needs freedom when you've got a high literacy rate?), and China ('cos Tiannanmen was like 16 years ago, so get over it).

The reason you have to love Zimbabwe though is because they're so brazen. Quoth Zimbabwe's ambassador to the UN: "Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones." That's right, stone throwing should only be done outdoors, at those standing in line to vote in national elections. With insights like these the oppressed of the world can rest easy.

Now somebody please remind me again why I was fine to go into Iraq without UN approval?

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

I want an election and I want it NOW!

So the despicable piece of filth that calls himself our Prime Minister has decided to cancel his trip to Holland because he has decided to govern like a tin-pot dictator who can't leave the country for fear of a coup.

King Paul was supposed to be going to Holland to honour the Canadian men who fought and gave their lives liberating the country from the Nazis. But then he realised, what the fuck, most of them are dead and the rest of them too old and sick to make it to the polls on election day anyway, so who gives a rats ass about them?

I realise that the Liberals don't think that Canada has a role in the world other than mouthing off occassionally, as they proved by dismantling our military. But could they not at least still pay homage to our proud past as a nation that fought against tyranny. You know, at least while some of those who gave their youth and risked their lives to fight for our country are still alive. Is it too much to ask?

In trying to save his government, he has proven once and for all that he is not fit to govern.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Bitter Lemon's Response to King Paul's Address To the Nation

I realise that my response comes a few hours later than those of Stephen, Gilles and Jack. For that you can blame Blogger, which was down earlier this evening.

My fellow Canadians, mesdames et monsieurs, tonight I want to tell you something that was not said by any of the party leaders: this whole damn mess is your fault. I feel about as sorry for Canadians as I do for someone who gives out their credit card number to the guy on the phone who says you've won a vacation and will just need your information to hold your reservation. You fell for their bullshit and now you must pay. Unfortunately for me, you bastards gave them my credit card number too. You elected a party whose one and only goal is getting and staying in power. And then you re-elected them. And then you figured, hey what the hell, everyone knows Visa picks up the tab when it's fraud, we'll elect them one more time.

But Bitter Lemon, that's not fair: for most of that time -- if not all of it -- the other parties were a total and utter mess. You're right, they were/are. And guess what? That's your fault too. Why? Because, let's face it, you don't care. The last attempt that this country had at a political conversation was the Charlottetown Accord and even then most people didn't really understand the details of what they were voting for in the referendum. That apparently exhausted us and, despite the fact that we've had three elections since then, no one has really seemed very fussed. One of our provinces nearly left and it didn't even lead to a discussion about who we are as a nation. We've spent over a decade talking about who is most commited to maintaining the status quo when it comes to health care. I can't possibly think why the Liberals felt like they could steal our money without anyone noticing.

Personally, I think the most telling part of Paul Martin's speech was when he pointed out that he practically lived on Parliament Hill, as his dad was a cabinet minister in 4 Liberal governments (at first I thought he was asking us to excuse his behaviour, like a repentant wife abuser who grew up in an abusive home; but then I realised he was proud: "I smacked my bitch up real good last night".) Paul Martin has wanted to be Prime Minister his entire life. And basically the response of Canadians wasn't, 'maybe we should find someone who has a vision for the nation', but, 'gee, he seems to want it so bad, how can we say no to him now? He's waited so long for it'. And just as Paul got what he always wanted he is in danger of losing it without even having had a chance to make a name for himself as Prime Minister. And he's flailing because he doesn't know what to do. Because, despite his ability to figure out 'just stay close to Parliament Hill and they'll give you the reins eventually', he now seems genuinely concerned that he won't be able to talk his way out of this one.

And even though there is nothing I would like more than to see this man fall on his face, I'm going to give him some advice. Keep up with the scary-conservatives-will-come-to-power/
separatists-going-to-tear-apart-the-country line. Why? Not because Canadians are really all that worried about either of these scenarios, but because both of these things will involve serious political discussion and that is all very tiring and Canadians just don't want to hear it and are willing to just vote Liberal to make it stop. Ssshhh, Idol is on (that's the kind of election Canadians can get behind!).

Now, I must confess, I'm giving this advice to Paul for my own ends. It's kind of a social experimment. Sorry Canadians, but I want to see just how politically apathetic we can get as a nation before it all goes to hell. Like, will a province or two have to separate or will it just be that the boomers will get really old, need serious medical care and not be willing to put up with mediocre services available to them? ('cos, as we all know, seniors have nothing better to do so they vote). I guess only time will tell.

And may God continue to bless socialised medicine.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

We have Pope!

Ratzinger. No real surprise there I suppose. Benedict XVI.

Let's just hope it doesn't result in a run of babies called Benedict.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Toronto Star gears up for an election

Well, clearly the Star thinks an election call is just around the corner, 'cos it's time to rev up the Tory bashing into high gear. A headline on the Star's website:

The point of the article? That the Liberal government has released the rather vague details of Canada's Kyoto commitment to mixed reviews. Oh, and by the way, now that it's ratified the Tories have accepted that they can't get out of it. I'd say they selected the most appropriate headline. No?

Don't worry, even though the Tories are coming to forcibly impregnate you (and, apparently much to the Star's chagrin, make you accept a bullshit treaty that the Star believes in), the Liberals will protect you:

"...Liberal ministers sounded confident they'll be around to implement
the plan despite their government's current precarious position.
'Canada will do its share for the planet because that is our responsibility,'
said Environment Minister Stephane Dion."

Golly gee, aren't the Liberals swell? They want to protect the planet and save the world! I say we all gather at Olympic Stadium in Rimouski and hold a rally for them!

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Don't let the bastards get you down.... oh wait, you are the bastards

It's taken me a while, but I think I've finally decided on my absolute favourite thing about politics in this country. I know what you're thinking: "How could you possibly narrow it down, there are so many things: the depth of the debate, like how you can preface anything with 'American-style' to define it as bad and hide behind 'Charter Rights' (as if Canadians actually care) when you don't want to admit your actual opinion on something; the wide range of issues discussed from health care to health care and back again; the fact that you vote for an individual, not a party, but their opinion doesn't count because party line is totally where it's at; and the fact that we have a minority government but the Prime Minister still acts like he's God on high."

And you're right, those are all wonderful things about our nation's politics. But at the end of the day -- at the federal level -- I think I'm going to have to go with the fact that the Liberals have been in office for over a decade but they still act like the victimised ones. The mean opposition threatening to call an election over a little thing like the sponsorship scandal! “Obviously, if Stephen Harper and the Bloc Québécois are going to come together to force an election, there's going to be an election,” concedes King Paul. (I love how they never refer to the Conservatives, but rather 'Stephen Harper', ooh, the evil Stephen Harper, the man who is going to make you have eight children and take away a woman's one and only choice in this world -- except that he has repeatedly said that he is not and it would never fly in Canada... but I digress).

You see Your Highness, you did not win a majority of the vote, despite how hard you tried to scare everyone into voting for you last time around (do not vote NDP or you'll get Stephen Harper... did you not read/see the Handmaid's Tale people? STEPHEN HARPER!!!) And now the dirty little secrets about your dirty little scheming party are coming out and Canadians aren't impressed. Well, if we're being honest, most Canadians aren't really paying any attention, which is why we're in this sorry mess in the first place. But I'll leave that for another day.

The thing about the parliamentary system is that if you don't get the majority of the seats you can't govern like a dictator like your predecesor. So, yes, it sucks for you that you have to deal with the fallout from his corrupt 'little guy from Shawinigan' ways, but it sucks for me that I have to live with a Liberal government at the provincial and federal levels. And you're the one who chose to jump into bed with these power-hungry ideology-free politicians in the first place (by the way, I didn't mean ideology free as a compliment... politicians should have political principals). So please stop trying to come off as the victim in all of this. The criminals in this case are not the people that are trying to 'force' an election... the criminals are the people who took my hard earned dollars and ... well, you tell me what they did with it (no seriously, if I promise not to publish it, will you? Promise!).

Monday, April 04, 2005

Go on then arrest me

So would this constitute breaching the publication ban?

I couldn't really plead not guilty, since I do have comtempt for the court. Silly courts, don't they understand that nobody is paying attention anyway? So what if the government squandered our money padding the pockets of their buddies in Quebec.... we weren't using it anyway!

Saturday, April 02, 2005

R.I.P Karol

Though not a Catholic, I really liked Pope John Paul II. The role he played in the fall of communism in Eastern Europe cannot be denied, and for that alone he earned a place as one of the great moral leaders of the 20th century.

I went to see him at World Youth Day in Toronto two years ago, which I suppose puts me among the millions who the media keeps saying he 'met' during his papacy. Given the size of the park, my distance from the stage and, of course, the fact that I am not a believer, I can't honestly say that I took anything away from my experience with the pope. But I respected the fact that, despite his state of poor health at the time, he made the journey to Toronto. It will be interesting to see if the next pope continues in his tradition of travelling the world.

He has been pope since the year I was born, so it is weird to think that there will be somebody else in the role. It is unlikely that any other pope could have as much of an impact on the world at large as Karol Wojtyla. He will be missed.