Denmark, listen up! The Saudis have some suggestions for you.

An editorial in today's Arab News calls the apology published in Jyllands-Posten 'disingenuous' and offers a solution to Denmark's problems of free speech: "if it does go against the law, the answer is simple: Change the law". And if you're allowing women to walk around like sluts, showing off their ankles in public, then change that law too! The editorial goes on to argue that Denmark should restrict free speech when it comes to issues of religion, similar to the legislation that was proposed in Britain. But of course, the restrictive anti-speech bill that they are speaking about was defeated in British parliament yesterday, when the government failed to gather the votes to overturn amendments made by the House of Lords. The defeat of the bill means that you will actually have to be found to be inciting violence, not just hurting religous people's feelings, in order to be charged.

Meanwhile, newspapers across Europe have been reprinting the cartoon images of Muhammad originally published in Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten. I gotta say, I expected them all to start pandering to the anti-free speech crowd. Good on ya Europe! (I just typed those words and the sky didn't fall. Who knew?!) Turns out that those of us who don't live in theocracies kind of value our freedoms after all.

Arab governments and their apologists have managed to find plenty of rage for a few pictures that they deem offensive, but seem to be unable to find any anger at all for the Sudanese government that is busy slaughtering Muslims in Darfur. You know how I hate to judge, but maybe they need to learn how to prioritize.

You know your country is in the right

When the Sudanese and the Saudis are boycotting you.

I'll support the Danish government considering an apology to the Muslim world if the Saudis apologise to the rest of the world for sponsoring terrorism and exporting a particularly backward version of Islam. Oh, and for denying rights to women. And foreigners. And for failing to pressure other Muslims governments to stop commiting genocide against their own populations. In fact, when Saudi Arabia apologises for pretty much every action it has ever taken as a state, then Denmark can look into whether they owe anyone an apology for having a free press that published pictures that are offensive to people who should probably be living in Saudi Arabia if they can't tolerate people criticizing their faith.

Update: Buy Danish! This on-line Danish Food Shop has an entire section devoted to liquorice! Never mind buying Danish, I might just move there!

And isn't it time to throw a Trudeau kid into the mix?

Frank McKenna says that he won't be running for Liberal leadership, telling reporters, "I'm not vain enough to believe I alone can provide the leadership our great country needs this time". If vanity's what we're looking for, then Belinda we've got a job for you!

The Globe mentions a few possibilities in the article:

Others named as possible contenders have ranged from former NDP Ontario premier Bob Rae and MP Scott Brison to Belinda Stronach, a Liberal MP who defected from the Conservatives during the last session.

As enjoyable as a Scott/Belinda bitchfest would be, I'm holding out hopes for a Bob Rae/Michael Ignatieff leadership competition. Okay, it may be incredibly farfetched, but given that they were roommates back in their undergrad days, how much fun would it be? "He can't even follow a chore wheel, how could he be party leader?!" (oh, you know those dorks had a chore wheel), "He'd be sneaking women into Stornoway at all hours of the night" (don't be jealous Bob!), "You want someone to help get the party's finances under control? He couldn't even pay his bills!".

It'd be a tough call though. Who do you support: the guy who did such a bad job running Ontario, or the guy who hasn't lived in the country for nearly 30 years? That's the problem with Canada, when it comes to political leadership, we're just spoilt for choice.

I know I should probably find sources of joy that aren't rooted in other people's misery...

But this makes me very happy.

Whatever could this mean?

Frank McKenna has stepped down as Ambassador to the U.S. I wonder if he has another job in mind.

Memo To Torontonians On the Day After the Election

The fact that nearly everybody you know agrees with you does not make your beliefs apolitical. Looking at me like a wounded puppy dog will not actually replace the need to have the facts to back up your assertions.

They won, you're just going to have to deal with it.

I guess I'll have to take my lashes

I think I misssed the call to prayer this morning. Are we each assigned to a particular church, or is that decision going to be left up to us? Where will we find out which part of the scriptures we are supposed to read each day? I bet they went over all this at morning services, didn't they? Damn, why did I sleep past the alarm?!

This new government's going to take some getting used to.

God bless.

Stephen!

First point: How cute is it going to be, First Ladies Laura and Laureen? For that alone, Harper had to win tonight.

But this is what happens when you let the West in: Victory speeches after 1 a.m. We should elect more leaders from Quebec.

-He speaks English first! Typical Albertan, pandering to the majority.

-Ooh, he just mentioned the prayers of supporters. Ladies and Gentleman, we now officially live in a theocracy.

-You'll note that Paul wasn't included in the list of leaders running 'honourable' campaigns. He doesn't want to start off by lying to the public.

- Canada: "sovereign, strong, free and united"? Fascist!

- Wow, that's the longest a Canadian leader has gone without mentioning healthcare. I think he might have made it past 10 minutes.

- He just abandoned Canada! "Made in Ottawa solutions don't work"? Since when?!

- He acknowledged our soldiers in Afghanistan. Finally we get a leader who respects the armed forces.

God Bless Canada!

You're welcome Jack

Jack is speaking. He personally thanked the people of Trinity-Spadina. I can't say it was easy Jack, I gave a little bit of my soul so that you could have your wife with you. But I appreciate the acknowledgement.

Kids: Get a job. Jack wants to see families working!

King Paul Abdicates

It seems HRH Paul I has just called Stephen Harper and conceded defeat. And the sky has not yet fallen!!!

Paul has been denied the legacy he wanted as Prime Minister, and that alone has put a smile on my face.

I would have preferred it if the Conservatives had won more seats, but at least Canadians have shown that they are prepared to live under a non-Liberal government. Now we can work towards a majority.

Update: (12:14) Paul has announced he'll be stepping down as leader. 'Tis a glorious day. Watching the Liberals duke it out is going to be fun!

Barely time to take the tree down

Peter Mansbridge just pointed out that the turnout was 'surprisingly' higher than the last election, despite the "holiday election". This is apparently good news for all Canadians.

Way to go Canada! So close to Christmas and you managed to do your one democratic duty. I guess if it had been a few weeks later, we would have been too distracted by Valentine's Day (or a certain bitter blogger's birthday) to get to the polls.

Update: Gord Martineau just declared a disappointing turnout. I'm glad they've all got their facts straight.

Update: Alan Gregg just pointed out the higher turnout in this election. Turns out Gord is just an idiot (who knew?).

Now I can't even count on Torontonians to be Anti-American?

Michael Ignatieff (who is looking much goofier than he used to, I might add) has won his riding.

That's it, I'm running in Bradford & West Yorkshire in the next election.

I know it's early

But Olivia is ahead right now.

Come on Toronto, let the bicycle built for two be Ottawa's problem.

Update: Track Liv here

Update: (11:43) They are now calling it for Olivia. I personally won't feel comfortable until more of the polls are returned.

Update (11:45) Apparently she feels comfortable, because she's making her victory speech. I'm still holding off. I have less faith in her than she has in herself.

Update (12:33) With 243/262 polls returning and over 3000 votes in the lead, Bitter Lemon finally calls Trinity-Spadina for Olivia Chow.

City Calls it For Harper

Adam Vaughan just died a little bit inside.

CBC refuses to call. Not because of the principle of not calling too soon, but because they refuse to spread the fear.

Update (11:10) CBC has now called a Harper minority.

Well sure, if you give everyone stock tips

It seems Ralph Goodale is winning his riding.

I'm saying nothing

But a certain person who may or may not have slept with a certain president of a country to the south of us is leading in very early results.

Update (10:20) Track a certain person here

Update (10:27) CTV just called a Belinda victory.

Update (11: 02) She won?!! Seriously, what do you have to do to lose?

Update (11:25) Belinda is just coming up to the podium for her victory speech. Does she realise that they won't let her cross back?

Update (11:56) Did you know Belinda got into public office to "make a difference"? I've lost count of how many times she has said that tonight (and througout the campaign for that matter). Belinda: stop campaigning now, you've won and the people of Newmarket-Aurora have shown that they too stupid to care what you say anyway.

Update (2:03) They just replayed Belinda's speech. In it she said that if Stephen Harper wanted to take rights away from "individual Canadians, or from women" she would be there to stop him. When exactly did I lose my standing as an individual Canadian?! I had this funny notion that I was a whole person, but apparently I am just part of the collective. I hate you Newmarket-Aurora!

I would never go against the government

But Global has declared that Canadians have a reason to be quite scared.

Get democracy out of your system Alberta!

Haroon Siddiqui just pointed out on TVO that it is good that the West had some influence in this election, since it gave them the opportunity to "get it out of their system".

What about Quebec? Why doesn't anybody ever talk about Quebec?

Protect yourself!

The Canadian government understands that information is dangerous and has been kind enough to protect us from ourselves through a media blackout. It is integral therefore that you avoid sites such as proalberta.com tonight until the polls are closed in your area. You could find out things that you are not supposed to know.

Is democracy supposed to make you feel this dirty?

All right, I've done my part for defeating Canada's Laziest MP. It's in G-d's hands now (what?! I'm not going to do anything that might upset Him today).

I've got to finish a paper, but as soon as it's done, I promise to be in blogging overdrive.

Attention Female Readers

If you want an abortion go have your last one now, because if the Tories win tonight then tomorrow the Committee for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice (Canadian Chapter) is coming to install a tracking device on your uterus (trust me, I've seen the Hidden Agenda).

And remember: Vote Liberal; because "Peace, Order and Fear" is as good a national motto as any.

I've often said that I was born into the wrong generation

Why didn't Oprah host this contest back when I was in high school? I would have won that trip to Chicago! (except my essay would probably not have found the hidden message of redemption in a Holocaust memoir that you just know Oprah is looking for). I suppose I could enter my OAC Literature ISU on Religious Symbolism in the Work of Elie Wiesel. Do you think anyone would notice it was about 12 years out of date and somewhat off topic?

You see, back when I was in high school it was decidedly weird for a suburban teenage girl to read the works of Elie Wiesel or have his quotes on the nature of evil posted on her bedroom wall and in her locker. Now Oprah's got everyone into him! I bet all the cool kids are listening to his Nobel Prize acceptance speech on their iPods too.

Born a decade too soon, it seems.

I support a woman's right to choose...

And at this moment in time, I choose to point out that King Paul needs to get his facts straight. If you want to spend the last few days of your campaign trying to scare everyone about the super-secret ultra-extreme hidden right-wing agenda of your opponent and make comments like “Canadians don’t think a woman's right to choose is too complex to describe. We expect our leaders to take a clear position, and state it", then you might want to remember what positions members of your party, and indeed you yourself, have stated.

My favourite socially conservative Liberal (of course!) is Tom Wappel. Tom not only chooses to believe that he need only represent those constituents who vote for him (which has nothing to do with the fact that he is socially conservative, but explains why he's a Liberal), he also chooses to be anti-gay. And by anti-gay, I don't mean he is anti-gay-marriage, I mean he is a homophobe. It is one thing to oppose gay marriage, it is another thing entirely to devote a section of your constituent web site to this stance (notably absent from his campaign site). And, of course, there is the now famous quote that: "Homosexuality is statistically abnormal, it's physically abnormal and it's morally immoral." Tom Wappel supports a person's right to choose to be straight.

So on Monday, I will choose to vote against the Liberals, because I am sick of the lies and the hypocrisy and, ya know, the theft. I would also encourage other Canadian women and, for that matter, Canadian men to exercise their right to choose not to have a Liberal government.

Really King Paul, right now is probably not the best time for you to be reminding Canadians that they have choices.

Liberal MPs Involved in Gang Bang Scandal!

What? Why are the Liberals the only ones who get to play dirty?

Yes, that's right folks, we have now sunk to the level of falsely accusing Conservative candidates of sexual assault.

Chris Axworthy is claiming that someone snuck into his campaign office to make a call to a live call-in show with entirely made up accusations that Maurice Vellacott sexually assualted someone. But, not only would believing this require that I accept a ridiculously far fetched claim, it would mean that I accept a statement made by a Liberal.

And remember: if a Conservative MP rapes you and you become pregnant, Stephen Harper will force you to keep the baby!

How To Write About Africa

The formula for how to write about Africa outlined in the most recent issue of Granta.

Never have a picture of a well-adjusted African on the cover of your book, or in it, unless that African has won the Nobel Prize. An AK-47, prominent ribs, naked breasts: use these....

...be sure to include a warm and motherly woman who has a rolling laugh and who is concerned for your well-being. Just call her Mama....


...Always end your book with Nelson Mandela saying something about rainbows or renaissances. Because you care.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Declares Oprah's New Book Club Choice 'A Pack of Lies'

Oprah has decided that her next Book Club selection will be Elie Wiesel's Holocaust memoir, Night. I suppose that the most logical thing to do after the A Million Little Pieces scandal was to pick a book with a subject that no civilised person would dare question that was written by a Nobel Peace Prize winner. (Although Hitch did once start an article with the words: 'Is there a more contemptible poseur and windbag than Elie Wiesel?', one suspects she's not going after his audience).

I was a bit surprised at the announcement as I had always kind of thought of Night as one of the books that started the whole 'Oprah's Book Club' thing to begin with. In the early '90s she started interviewing authors who had changed her life or realigned her journey (or whatever terminology Oprah uses) and Elie Wiesel was among them (I remember because it was right in the middle of my Elie Wiesel phase). So although the Book Club proper didn't start until 1996 (what? I looked it up!), it strikes me that Wiesel has already been given the full Oprah treatment. But who am I to question the choices that Oprah makes for her cult club?

Which is Africa's Remembered War?

Just channel surfing and The Hour was on CBC Newsworld. George was interviewing someone and the heading "Africa's Forgotten War" was on the screen. Having tuned in late, I wondered which of the wars currently occurring in Africa that nobody talks about was the "forgotten" one. It turned out that they were talking about Uganda. But my interest was piqued. I googled "Africa's Forgotten War". It turns out that Africa has or recently had 'forgotten wars' in Uganda, Burundi, Western Sahara, Darfur, Angola, Southern Sudan, Ethiopia/Eritrea, Congo-Brazaville and DR Congo. The term has also been used to refer to the war on AIDS.

So might I recommend that next time Africa has a war that the media sees fit to talk about all the way through to the end, they refer to it as "Africa's Remembered War" and for the rest of them they can use a heading along the lines of "It's far away, you've never heard of it, it's probably tribal" (with the obligatory Heart of Darkness reference when it's DR Congo).

Done. Climbing down off soapbox.

You're wasting your campaign budget....

It seems that the Conservative and Liberal candidates in Toronto Centre-Rosedale can't read an electoral boundaries map. I keep getting their campaign literature in the mail, but I live in Trinity-Spadina. Now, I'll grant that it makes no sense that my apartment falls within the boundaries of Trinity-Spadina, but nonetheless it does.

I wouldn't mind so much, but Bill "It takes me nine months to respond to letters from my constituents and then I dismiss their concerns and tell them Iran is doing just fine thank you (and did I mention I'm the Foreign Affairs Minister and they murdered one of our citizens)" Graham is the MP for that riding and is likely to still be after next week's elections and I don't want him to think in any way that he represents me (granted with a Liberal MP, it's not a real threat, but it's the principle of the thing). Because, well, he's evil.

Okay, maybe 'evil' is a wee bit of an overreaction. What comes between not caring about the murder of Canadians by foreign governments and evil?

For those of you who are still undecided (really?)

The Vote Selector Quiz



What I want is a "strongly neither" option. But I guess they're just working with what they've got.

My results put Stephen Harper first, then Jack Layton (Andrew Coyne got the same results for the top two, which surely suggests something confused about the political parties in this country... shouldn't they be at opposite ends of the spectrum?), then Gilles, then King Paul (I promise I didn't change my answers to get him last).

What can they say, they just really believe in copyright

The new Conservative TV ad quotes Liberal candidates who spoke out against the Liberal Party's anti-military ads.

The Liberals have demanded that the ad be pulled because it uses footage of Paul Martin on CBC that they claim the Conservatives used without approval, and therefore violates copyright. Of course, the copyright would be held by the CBC, not Paul Martin. But that's King Paul for you, always defending the rights of Canadian corporations!

Liv, honey, you're going to talk me out of it

I just received a phone call from Olivia's campaign asking if I knew about her work and if I would support her. Surely it would be best not to tell people anything about her work if you want people to vote for her. This is definitely a riding in which the NDP would benefit from going negative; vote for Olivia because Tony Ianno is a lazy, arrogant son-of-a-bitch.

This is the third time that Olivia's campaign has contacted us during this election (fourth if you count the non-demoninational/non-holiday card they sent me; sixth if you count the phone messages left by an NDP rep and then Jack! to invite me to an NDP event at the Liberty Grand). Before the holidays they called and Bitter Lime informed them that we would be voting for her strategically (they were very confused; happy for Liv, sad that they had to talk to a real- live Conservative without being able to yell at her that she is a fascist). They confirmed our names and address. Then last weekend Olivia herself came to the door. She rambled incoherently until we cut her off and told her nobody wanted the Liberals out of office more than us, so we would be voting for her. This caused mass confusion as she yelled down the hall to get another staffer who held the list (don't be so obvious that you're desperate). They confirmed our names and telephone number, then one campaign bunny excitedly guessed that Bitter Lime and I are sisters (we live together, have the same surname and share a physical resemblance... you can't get anything by the NDP). And then came today's phone call. I assured her yet again that I would be voting for Olivia and that I had already informed Olivia and her staff. She didn't apologise for bothering me. She asked if I want a sign. No thank you.

If nothing else, this shows why the NDP should never form government of any sort. If you can't sort out your voter lists in such a close riding, you will lose. Get yourselves in order! All the energy they have spent contacting me could have been spent trying to convince someone not to vote Liberal (or even trying to change the minds of some of my left-of-centre friends who plan on voting for Sam Goldstein because Olivia is too awful for words).

Every time they contact me, I am reminded that I am being a typical cynical Canadian voting against something instead of for it. This does not make me happy. If I receive one more call from Liv's campaign asking if I will vote for her, my answer will change. I will vote for Sam. I will give them a pass if it is election day and they are just calling to make sure I made it to the polls. Until then, leave me alone!

It's too good to ignore

I have not posted about how things are looking very bad for the Liberals this week. I'll admit, this is mostly because I don't want to get all excited about a Conservative victory only to be disappointed yet again. But it is hard.

The attack ads are beyond ridiculous. I have nothing to add to everything that has already been said. I expect nothing but the worst from the Liberals at all times, so nothing will ever surprise me about the depths to which they will sink. But if they want to dig their own graves, who am I to question them?

Then today, the Globe and Mail endorsed Stephen Harper. It's a very cautious endorsement, I'll grant you, but an endorsement nonetheless. If the Liberals can't rely on a united media effort to scare the hell out of Canadians in the next week, then they really are doomed.

I am allowing myself one day of real excitement that the Conservatives could actually win this thing, before I switch back to very cautious optimism. Today seemed as good a day as any.

"Thanks, but we're happy to go on with the genocide for now"

Unbelievable as it sounds, the genocidal regime in Khartoum has decided that they don't want a non-African military presence in Darfur. They think the African Union is doing a great job. Well, of course they are; they provide the cover of international involvement while allowing the raping, murdering and general mayhem to continue.

Now the shaming of rich donor nations to provide more funding to the African Union forces so that they can stay in the region will begin. But somebody needs to stand up and point out that there is no sense in the world paying to support a mission that does not prevent the Sudanese government from carrying out attrocities. The A.U. mission has failed to protect the people of Darfur, and aid workers in the region. I am not blaming the African Union, they were given the resources or the mandate to do this. There have even been reports of Sudanese troops painting their vehicles so as to masquerade as African Union forces. The value of their presence is becoming less evident as time goes by. The world should demand that if we are going to pay for a peacekeeping force in Darfur, it must effectual. How long do we allow the Sudanese government to go on pretending that they are not responsible for the attrocities? Force the Sudanese government to admit that they don't want a real international peacekeeping force because it doesn't suit their interests. It is time to stop allowing genocidal killers set the rules.

Alternately: Damn Americans, if they weren't paying for their illegal occupation of Iraq they could pay to support the A.U. mission. This is all their fault!

3 years late and a mandate short

With the African Union now saying that they can no longer maintain their role in Darfur, the U.N. has indicated that the international community needs to become more involved. Kofi Annan has expressed the hope that the U.S. and Europe will contribute troops. Why? Well because: "the killings are going on, the rapes are going on...We have lost access to some of the needy people. Obviously the international community cannot allow that situation to go unaddressed." Obviously! Could you imagine the world standing by in the 21st century while a government turned armed militias on its own citizens? Unthinkable.

Setting aside for the moment the fact that Kofi is a couple of years late on this one, the fact of the matter is that, as it stands, sending U.S. and European troops to the region will require the approval of the government of Sudan. Why is Sudan suddenly going to submit to intervention by the international community? And if he feels so confident that the U.N. can convince the government in Khartoum to allow a powerful international troop presence in the region, why hasn't it happened sooner?

The African Union was never going to be able to have a significant impact in policing the crisis. They didn't have enough troops, there was insufficient funding and, let's face it, if the European Union can't get anything done, what hope does the African Union have? Of course, it is for these reasons that Sudan allowed the A.U. to have a presence in the first place.

The one reason that the Sudanese government may allow for a non-African policing force is that, with so many already dead or displaced in the region, they have largely accomplished their goal. Government-backed militias have now changed the face of the region; even a strong U.N. force is not going to be able to reverse that.

Of course, I support a strong international presence in Darfur, and if there is an intervention I hope that Canadian soldiers will be a part of it. But the international community dragged its heels while a genocide was perpetrated in Darfur. Even if we intervene now, we have failed.

Elections in DR Congo

The results are now official and, as was predicted, voters in DR Congo have overwhelmingly approved their new constitution. Parliamentary and presidential elections will be held in March.

Since the Belgians gave up their rapacious control in 1960, the country has seen civil wars, Mobutu's decades-long kleptocracy, and interference by neighbouring states. Congo's plentiful natural resources mean that it could be one of the richest countries in Africa but, as is so often the case, the drive for control of those resources has instead fed the violence and chaos. This week, there are warnings of the threats posed by increasing violence in the province of Katanga. These are hardly the ideal conditions for a stable democracy to develop. But the people of Congo have shown that they feel it is time for real representative government.

Even without the poll, the current UN force in Congo is insufficient and, as usual, does not have a strong enough mandate. Obviously, the elections will increase the need for peacekeepers in the region. So what is the UN asking for? 800 EU rapid reaction troops. 800 extra troops, for a country that is about the size of Western Europe. The EU is not yet sure if they are going to be able to provide the troops. When you can't even meet the pathetic expectations of the U.N., things aren't looking good for you. This is an important moment for Congo, if Europe actually wants to play a role in the world beyond just yelling at the Americans, now is the time to step forward. Maybe they could surprise everyone and exceed the U.N.'s expectations. No, now I've gone too far...

Trinity-Spadinans: Not even worthy of our candidates

In the federal leaders debate we allow the separatists to participate despite the fact that they run candidates in only one (granted, the most important) province. In the local debates, we have the Green Party (running a child candidate who was charming in that "look mom, I'm running for office" sort of way), the Progressive Canadian Party (who formed when the "neocons" took over the Conservative Party), the Canadian Action Party and, of course, the Marxist-Leninists.

I knew it was going to be a bad debate when, rather than raising my ire, Tony Ianno's introductory comments bored me to tears. He seemed so down tonight. Maybe the waterfront debate on the weekend really took it out of him. Or maybe he just can't believe that he has to go through this again. It's like when you are made to reapply for your own job; how much zeal can you be expected to bring to the interview?

Sam Goldstein is fiscally conservative. Sam Goldstein believes in gay marriage. Sam Goldstein actually mentioned Darfur (without being prompted) and the need for a strong Canadian military to back up our "soft power". And yet, I can't vote for Sam Goldstein.

Olivia Chow was Olivia Chow. It is a measure of how much I loathe both Tony Ianno and Paul Martin that I will cast a ballot for this woman. Strategic voting is a nasty, nasty business.

Of course, the only thing more depressing than the candidates in Trinity-Spadina are its constituents. They burst out in hysterics when Sam said that he believes in equality of opportunity, not equality of result; and again at every mention of personal responsibility. When a woman got up to point out that she is both a mother and a grandmother (that's right folks, a double hero) and she was pleased to see that there was a least one female candidate on the stage, the crowd went wild! We are so progressive. It's 2006 and we believe women should run for higher office! You know, women are so peaceful and bring such a unique perspective to government.

And then there was the most telling moment of the evening: a woman got up and asked about Canada's trade relationship with China and issues of human rights. The Marxist-Leninist candidate smiled and pointed out that he wasn't really able to answer the question as it was loaded with anti-communist bias. Oh, the crowd did laugh and applaud! Hee! China's human rights abuses are a laugh riot!

There'll be another round at Hart House next week. Anybody up for it?

Local Candidates: Same uninspired topics, less charisma

Tonight the Trinity-Spadina candidates will duke it out at the Miles Nadal JCC. If past events are anything to go by, Liv will continue her strategy of trying to put everyone into a deep sleep so that all but her hard core supporters will miss the vote; Tony Ianno will yell at us and tell us what his constituents think (apparently he's already put on quite the show this week); the Conservative candidate will impress me with the fact that he is a fiscally conservative, socially progressive, urban type and depress me because I still can't vote for him; the Green candidate will be a 19 year old student there to remind everyone why the party will never break through nationally.

Can you feel the excitement?!

Who won?

The debate now becomes about who won tonight. But of course, the real issue should be that we all lost. Seriously, agriculture trumps Canada's place in the world? Is there any hope for us?

I hope there will be five topics in tonight's four part debate

So we're going to have a federal election and not discuss defense or foreign policy? (I take it we're officially done with the idea of peacekeeping as national identity).

Instead, this entire debate seems to be about which of the candidates for Prime Minister can scream the loudest that they were born in Quebec. Gentlemen, let me see your birth certificates!

They grow the food we eat! God bless the humble farmer!

Also, the Gap makes the clothes I wear. Without them, I would freeze in the winter. Therefore, should not the government be supporting clothing retailers in Canada? Paul, Stephen, Jack, answer me this: do you really want Canadians to freeze to death? For shame!

What the hell is a working family?

It makes me ill. I'm not sure who it was that ran the survey that proved that the term "taxpayer" doesn't go over as well as "working family", but it needs to stop. Are there a lot of children going to work with mum and dad? "Families" don't work (that's not social commentary, just a statement of fact). Individuals work. Is there anybody running for office in this country who remembers the term?

I was so hoping that question was going to go in a different direction

Did anyone else hope that Steve Paikin was going to ask the party leaders about their views on swinging when he mentioned the recent Supreme Court decision in raising the issue of values?

I think a bit of wife swapping would go a long way toward healing the rifts between the leaders. And, of course, everyone would get to have a go at Belinda (in keeping with her flexible political values).

Gilles, will you marry me?

The separatist leader just pointed out that Paul Martin is "a living democratic deficit".

This is why we let him debate!

People must be held accountable for their actions

King Paul wants you to know that he believes in transparent government and if people do wrong, they must be held accountable. By the way, has he told you about his proposed amendment to the constitution that would mean all of his strongly held opinions should not apply to the Finance Minister?

New rule: take a drink every time Paul Martin says "I would set up a commission"

Like Communism, it works on paper

In response to a question posed to him by Jack Layon, Paul Martin pointed out that of course he believes in ministerial responsibility. You know, it's just very hard to put into practice.

Bitter Lemon: The Most Trusted Name in News

CNN is running a Reuters story that the Serbian government is going to stop paying war criminal Ratko Mladic his military pension.

Authorities said the pension had been suspended because of unspecified illegalities, but the fact that Mladic received the cash will be seized on by critics of the government as evidence that the general had high level protection in the military and there is little real will to turn him in.

I'm glad to hear that he won't be eligible for his pension anymore ("unspecified illegalities" would those be something other than the genocide and the war crimes?). You would have thought that government critics would have seized upon this information 13 months ago, when it first made news.

Although indicted in 1995, Mladic lived more or less openly in Belgrade until former strongman Slobodan Milosevic was ousted then extradited to The Hague in mid-2001, when the general went underground....Serbia has repeatedly insisted it does not know where Mladic is hiding and vowed that it is doing all it can to deliver him to justice, including freezing his assets.

The international media are playing Serbia's game in all of this, because they report the Serbian governments claims, rather than the actual facts. When they say that he went 'underground' in 2001, what they actually mean is all the way underground to Belgrade, where he attended a ceremony commemorating the Bosnian wars last summer.

I know ten years is a really long time in the age of 24 hour news, but could we at least pretend show a little bit of respect for the people that he massacred? How hard is it for major media outlets to fact check when a genocidal killer was last seen at a public event?

More unbiased reportage from our state run media outlet

Because Paul Martin has failed to do his job, the CBC would like to remind you that Stephen 'Handmaid's Tale' Harper has a hidden agenda. Social conservatives in Alberta are happy to keep social issues off the table for the moment, but once SHTH is elected, watch out! Content that he will never have to run for re-election, Stephen Harper will outlaw abortion, ban gay marriage, and kill all the injuns.

The CBC is just reporting the facts. You do what you want with that information.

Why is Paul Martin campaigning for Stephen Harper?

Paul Martin is selling me on a vision for Canada. Granted, it's his vision of Stephen Harper's vision for Canada, but it sounds really good. In Paul Martin's version of Stephen Harper's Canada, people would be expected to fend for themselves. A nation of well-educated, middle class people being asked to take responsibility for their own lives. This is the fear-mongering and negative campaigning I was promised in the New Year? Come on Paul, at least tell us he's going to force women to reproduce against their will.

And what is Paul Martin promising us? That a certain new issue-that-will- not-be-named is going to become as important a part of our national identity as the original issue-that-will-not-be-named. With no debate or discussion, everyone in this country seems to have bought into the idea that this new issue is one that only the federal government can solve. Why? Because the Liberals told us it is. Proving that not only can Canadians not be expected to fend for themselves, but they seem incapable of thinking for themselves also. Thank god we have King Paul!

Call off the investigation!

King Paul has come forward to defend the honour of Ralph Goodale: "He is a good man and he is an honest man. He is a person of the greatest integrity and he will not be stepping down." Wow Paul, that means so much coming from you. Would that be the 'greatest integrity' within the Liberal party? You see, he opted not to go the route of outright theft.

That's why Martin's Liberals are so much better than Chretien's Liberals. As I'm sure Paul could tell you, Chretien's Finance Minister sat by while the Liberal party used it's power to steal money from the taxpayers. That's not the kind of person you want as Finance Minister. I wonder what happened to him....

Memo to Egypt: It's only okay to kill Sudanese in Sudan

The murder of at least 20 Sudanese refugees in Cairo last night by Egyptian police is a harsh reminder of the situation that many of the world's refugees face. Those that reach Europe or North America are the lucky ones, most are trapped in nations that themselves have poor human rights records and are ill-equipped to deal with them.

However, the reaction of the media is telling. The incident is currently the top world news story on Google News and has made the front page of all the major news sites, as well it should. On the other hand, the Sudanese government has been murdering its citizens for years and that only ever seems to catch the media's attention when foreign dignitaries see fit to visit. Why? Because the world doesn't really care as long as you are killing your own. Just keep it within your own borders and everybody's happy to go on ignoring it.

So yes, the Egyptian government should be brought to task for its treatment of refugees, but the true outrage should be reserved for the government of Sudan who seem to be constantly creating situations from which people need to seek refuge. But instead of being turned into an international pariah, they are set to host African Union and Arab League summits this year, and will likely take presidency of the AU. That'll show 'em! Unlike refugees, summit attendees have to be fed, can you imagine the catering expenses?!!

Ralph, as in puke

The RCMP is now conducting a criminal investigation into the income trust scandal. Personally I don't see what all the fuss is about. Sure the Liberals are criminals, but is insider trading worse than outright theft? I could be getting ahead of myself, as nothing has been proven yet. But you know what they say: if it walks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck... it should probably form the government.

Hug a thug!

In my grade 11 law class, my teacher and I got into an argument after she marked an answer on my test wrong because I listed immorality as one of the root causes of crime instead of the "correct" answer: poverty. Of course, I explained, I could memorize the answers that she had given me, but I really didn't understand how memorizing your teacher's opinions constituted learning.

Today, the Prime Minister wants me to believe that the murder of a 15-year old girl in my neighbourhood yesterday shows us the "consequences of exclusion". I think I'm going to be getting the answer wrong again. I would suggest that the problem is that there is not enough exclusion. I suspect that anyone who fires a gun in a busy street was likely involved in lots of other criminal acts beforehand and should have been excluded from society a long time ago by means of imprisonment.

I'm not exactly sure what the Prime Minister's point is (granted, not a rare state of affairs). What has society supposed to have done to these people that they think it is okay to open fire on a crowded street? What could we have done to prevent them from having such utter disregard for human life? Did they not have state run day care growing up? Were they treated with disrespect when they went to register their handguns? Did people give them funny looks?

Why can't we acknowledge that criminals are responsible for their own actions? 'Society' didn't exclude that little girl from her future, the person who murdered her did.

Happy Birthday Jesus

So for the tenth anniversary of me not celebrating the birth of your Lord (yes, I've been told that it's not just for Christians anymore, but I'm not a pagan either), my mother decided to go completely over the top with the gifts.

So in the spirit of the season. I got:




And Bitter Lime, who never gave in on Christmas and has not yet given in on Canada got:

Oh, and I got the shiny new camera that these pictures were taken with.

Fuck the farmers. Yeah, that's right. I said it.

I hope that Stephen Harper's secret agenda is that of a fiscal conservative. Today he announced $500 million in farm subsidies (it's much like corporate welfare, but when they mention the word 'family' everybody's heart melts... along with their common sense). Why? Because we have to keep the tradition of farming alive. Why? Because it's tradition and you don't mess with tradition, even if it makes no financial sense.

As an added bonus, farm subsidies are completely destructive to the economies of developing nations. So not only do I get to see my hard earned money squandered to support an outmoded industry, I screw over a farmer in Malawi in the process. Everybody wins!

Haven't heard enough about you know what yet?

So I just called Liv's office to see if there was time scheduled for an all-Candidates debate. Nothing seems solid at this point. In addition to the riding debates there will be issues debates for Toronto. The nice lady on the phone seemed a little perplexed when she pointed out there will be a childcare debate and my response was "Yeah. Anything else?" (You'll be pleased to know that the answer is yes. Those great federal issues of education and the waterfront). I'll keep you posted....

Almost makes you lose faith in mankind

Saddam thinks that somebody betrayed him, and that is why the American forces were able to capture him. For decades you torture, and you brutalize and you murder and what thanks do you get? At the end of the day, somebody turns you in like a common criminal. There is no justice.

And I know it's not going to get any better

So the Bloc is disastisfied and wants to return to a more debatey style debate format. Only in Canada! Not only does the party that is only running candidates in one province get to participate, but they are the ones complaining.

I must confess that despite being your hey-wait-a-minute-those-aren't-federal-issues!-free source for news, I have not yet watched a debate during this election season. I watched a few minutes on Thursday but I won't pretend I speak enough French to follow along, and live translations are just painful. And then, continuing on the general theme of 'huh?' that they seem to be going with for this election, they went and scheduled the English debate for Friday night. Because, well, people with children are home anyway and, outside of French-speaking Quebec, nobody else matters in Canadian politics.

Having heard all about it, it doesn't seem like I missed much. From what I understand, much to Paul Martin's chagrin, Stephen Harper is still managing to keep his real agenda hidden (READ THE HANDMAID'S TALE PEOPLE. How many times do you have to be told?!). But it doesn't matter anyway because Canadians are pretty much fine with the government stealing tax money as long as they set up an inquiry to look into it afterwards (nobody's perfect), and picking another party is hard work. And given that not a single issue that I consider to be relevant to federal election campaigns (national defense and foreign affairs) has received any coverage yet, pretending to care is getting to be a real challenge.

Does anybody know who Belinda's boffing these days?

An election that matters

In the midst of our farce of an election, it is often easy to forget what it is all about. Today's vote in Iraq should remind us how privileged we are to live in a country where we can spend all our time bickering about looking after other people's kids.

In response to all those who think that somehow Arabs are incapable of democracy, I quote Alaa, The Mesopotamian:

Today was a tremendous moment of our history, a turning point and a real milestone. Say what you like; things are not perfect; there are countless problems; the “insurgency” is not going to disappear; the reconstruction effort is in shambles; there is corruption and thieving everywhere; errors and mistakes in everything. Yet despite all that, the political process is proceeding like a dream and the tree of freedom is taking roots, and that tree will continue to grow and grow and grow. The Iraqis are again confounding all the "pundits" and "experts". But some just cannot understand the true soul of a people. That this most profound revolution initiated by an act of liberation, by the daring praxis of the Americans, driven by some mysterious hand of the Providence, has touched the innermost womb of a nation, and that the present agonies of this nation are those of giving birth and new life. Oh no, that they cannot understand. Well then, let them witness surprise after nasty surprise that will confound their logic and demolish their arguments. But the word mongers will always find something to say, as wild dogs are always wont to bark all the more hysterically as they are irked.

Meanwhile, the CBC, who were unable to deny the huge turnout, had this to say:

The strong participation by Sunnis, the backbone of the insurgency, bolstered U.S. hopes that the election could produce a broad-based government capable of ending the daily suicide attacks and other violence that have ravaged the country since the fall of Saddam Hussein.

"U.S. hopes"? Well at least they're being honest. Canada didn't support removing Saddam Hussein from power, so I suppose that there is no point pretending now that they give a damn whether the people of Iraq, who have suffered for so long, should have a peaceful, stable democracy.

Missing the Point

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is in the news again. This time for denying that the Holocaust occured. Why it is news to anyone that he thinks this is beyond me. And given that a few months ago he suggested that he wanted Israel to be wiped off the map, I'm not sure how this is 'escalating the anti-Israeli rhetoric'.

Let me preface what I am going to say next by pointing out that I basically have an undergraduate degree in the Holocaust. Reading Elie Wiesel's Night at 13-years of age was such a transformative experience for me that for a decade I planned to convert to Judaism. It is fair to say that my knowledge and understanding of this particular genocide has shaped my entire world view. Having said that, people overreact when it comes to the Holocaust.

Please do not misunderstand me here. I am not in any way suggesting that there is any reasonable argument to be made that it didn't occur or that somehow less people died than is claimed or anything of the sort. But for civilized educated people in the West, the Holocaust has become the last sacred thing. People with practically no knowledge of modern European history can tell you that six million Jews were killed during the Holocaust. We treat the Diary of Anne Frank as a great work of literature. Everyone knows about the gas chambers and the yellow stars. If you make a movie about the Holocaust (even an excrable piece of filth like Life is Beautiful), you're winning an Oscar. But by treating this one part of history with such reverence, we seem to have become completely unable to incorporate it into our understanding of anything else. We should remember the Holocaust. Every school child should be taught what regular human beings are really capable of (which means remembering Adolf Eichmann not Oskar Schindler). But the memory alone doesn't seem to be getting us anywhere. It is worth noting that in March 1994 as Schindler's List was sweeping the Oscars, extremists in Rwanda were preparing for the extermination of their nation's Tutsis. Right at this moment there are women in Darfur being raped by Janjaweed militias. But that doesn't make the headlines because somebody somewhere is denying an event that happened 60 years ago.

Don't get me wrong. I get it. We're not just talking about history, we're talking about how Israel's neighbours perceive the Jewish state today and the threat that they pose. This is evidence of how ignorance of history can be used as such a powerful tool by political leaders (one suspects that -- setting aside anti-semitism for the moment -- the average Iranian isn't as informed about the history of Europe during World War II as the average North American). But in recognizing that, it is still not worse that Ahmadinejad denies a particular historical event than that the Iranian regime denies basic human rights to its own citizens. Anti-semites have been denying abuses against Jews for time immemorial, and nobody does antisemitism like modern Middle Eastern leaders. So this is perhaps just not front page news. Come on people, Mahmoud Abbas' doctoral thesis was on the links between Nazism and Zionism!

I could accept the rage being directed toward Ahmadinejad if we didn't tolerate denials or doubts about other genocides. Turkey gets to go on pretending that what it did to the Armenians doesn't constitute genocide. When Europeans have tried to use the denial as a reason to exclude Turkey from the European Union, it is usually only opportunistic use of the historical event by people who don't want Turkey joining for other, unrelated, reasons. Whenever the Armenian genocide is mentioned in the media, it is completely acceptable to use terms like "Historians say" or "Armenians claim".

Noam Chomsky gets to go around talking about how the Srebrenica massacres were exagerated and dance around the issue of the Cambodian genocide and he's held up as a great public intellectual (while he has certainly been over the top in his defense of the free speech rights of Holocaust deniers -- perhaps the source of greatest controversy in his career, I don't think that it can be reasonably claimed that he himself denies the Holocaust). There were certainly a good many claims of doubt amongst a segment of the anti-war crowd about Saddam's genocide of the Kurds and that didn't make any headlines in the New York Times. Obviously Noam and the assorted anti-war nuts aren't leaders of countries working to obtain nuclear weapons. But the fact remains that people well regarded in intellectual circles are permitted to openly doubt documented historical facts about genocide when they don't fit in with their particular agenda. This is true of pretty much every genocide except the Holocaust.

All I am asking is that the victims of other attrocities be granted the same respect as those murdered by the Nazis. Perhaps we could even find a little bit of time to worry about people being victimized by their state right now. Maybe we could even do something about it?

I look really smart!

I have uploaded a number photos of myself to MyHeritage.com's facial recognition site that compares your pictures to those of celebrities (George did it with the party leaders on The Hour tonight). The person it claims I most resemble? Chess grandmaster Anatoly Karpov.

Combine that with my Pamela Anderson-like mind and I'm the complete package.

Bush Tries to Mess with our self-definition

In a speech to the Canadian Club, U.S. Ambassador to Canada, David Wilkins, suggested that Paul Martin risks harming our relationship with the U.S. when he uses anti-American rhetoric as a tool in his campaign. Typical American!

As ambassador, he should know enough about Canada to understand that we define ourselves by how much better we are than our American neighbours. How can such important issues be off the table during an election? Only an American would be so ignorant about the nation to which he is ambassador.

I'm so sick to death of American unilateralism. Who are they to single-handedly define the terms of our relationship? If it is to our Prime Minister's benefit to criticize the U.S. government every chance he gets, then that is our business! It should have no impact on diplomatic relations between our countries.

They couldn't find anyone else? There may be hope for this country yet.

It's things like this that might make it possible for me to grit my teeth and vote for Olivia (strategically, of course).

via Small Dead Animals

Last one, I promise!

I figured that Jack would have to weigh in eventually: only the government is fit to raise your children. No more private daycares! Since the public sector has proven time and time again that it is best equipped to provide services, Mr. Chow has announced that he wants to ban private daycare. Instead, Canadians will turn their children over to the state who will raise them with good multi-cultural, feminist, eco-friendly, LBGTQ values. In return for reproducing for the nation , parents will get an extra helping at three communal meals per week. Canadians who choose not to breed will instead be permitted to sponsor a family from an underdeveloped nation.

Oh, and Scott Reid is a dick. But that isn't news.

From this point on, no matter what happens, Bitter Lemon will not comment on the New Great Debate in our nation.

Bitter Lemon: your 'issue that cannot be named'-free source for election coverage. Now without childcare! (from now on, I'm pretty much just gonna talk about who Belinda's screwing).

What's next?

With Stephen'I've sold out any principles I once had to win this fucking election' Harper announcing he's going to give parents a tax break for enrolling children in sports programs (and one imagines a soon to be forthcoming Liberal program, 'MartinJeunesse', modelled on a German system of promoting healthy living and healthy minds to young children), Bitter Lemon can do little but ask, 'what's next'?

Studies have shown that showing children affection is good for them. The government should pay parents to hug their kids. Literacy is also important: send the government a video of you reading to your children and they will send you cash. Computer skills are also good: not only should the government be providing tax credits with which to buy computers, but it should provide free internet access to every family with children.

In order to support these new benefits, Canadians without children (who are clearly valueless in our society) should be asked to pay significantly higher taxes. At first it doesn't sound fair, but when you think about it, they just spend money on hedonistic pursuits anyway and since it is the government's job to shape citizens' behaviour, it is best for everyone.

Taxes are for boys!

Belinda wants everyone to stop asking her where she gets her hair cut (I agree, she needs to get a far better stylist before those sorts of inquires should start coming her way), and thinks that having to face these sorts of questions is what turns women off entering politics. I hear it was what finally drove Deborah Grey from running again for elected office.

Belinda understands what gets women interested in politics:

"she is proud the Liberal party is fielding more female candidates than the Conservatives and believes women are attracted to the government's social policies, such as it's commitment to daycare."

Leave things like defence and the economy to the boys, us girls just want to talk about babies!!!

My First Anniversary

Yes ladies and gentleman, it was one year ago today that Bitter Lemon began. As I recall my motivation, I was working on an assignment and needed a way to procrastinate. Now, one year later, I have just finished working on an assignment and thought I'd take the opportunity to comment on the occasion. See, that's progress!

One year ago, I was criticizing the U.N. and the world's failure to act in Sudan. Clearly no progress there. I also commented upon Canada's failure to live up to its reputation as a peacekeeping nation. Check!

I criticized the Globe and Mail and the National Post for their on-line paid subscription models. I suggested that if the New York Times could offer all of its content for free, so could they. Well, it seems we've regressed there, as anyone whose life has been made as meaningless as mine by the absence of regular doses of Thomas Friedman can attest (I know he's hokey, but I love him!).

On the bright side, despite how it was looking a year ago, they managed to have relatively free and fair elections in the Ukraine. Things are still by no means perfect in the young democracy, but progress is progress.

Since then (in no particular order): the fighting in Iraq continued, but elections were held; the fighting continued in Afghanistan, but elections were held; nobody cared about Darfur; there were modest stirrings of democracy across the Middle East; Hariri was killed; London was bombed; Live 8 failed to change the world; Google just kept getting better; Zimbabwe descended further into chaos; nobody cared about Darfur; King Paul and his courtiers proved unfit to govern time and time again; the Pope died; Africa got its first female elected head of state; the government fell; Michael Ignatieff lost his mind; nobody cared about Darfur. Oh, and there was some weather.

Can somebody fill me in?

The new Liberal ad campaign claims that there are over 30 million reasons to vote Liberal. Funny, I can't think of a single one!

The reason the U.N. will never work

Robert Mugabe has turned down an offer of tents to temporarily house the people that his government made homeless earlier this year by knocking down their homes.

"The president stressed we are not tents people," said Mr Mugabe's spokesman George Charamba, arguing that other countries were getting more help.

Of course, there is nothing that the U.N. can do. Homeless Zimbabweans will continue to go without even basic shelter because their government (who put them in this predicament in the first place) will not allow the world to help them.

This gets to the heart of why the U.N. will never truly succeed. As long as people are being victimized by their governments rather than a foreign power, there is really very little that the U.N. has the power to do. U.N. representatives will continue to talk in polite terms about 'disagreements' with the leaders of undemocratic regimes and people will continue to suffer.

The youth are really going to vote this time!

According to one survey, 88% of 18-24 year olds intend to vote. If the historical trend continues, over 60% of young Canadians will get lost on the way to the voting booth in January, as the number that vote is typically less than 25%. Why do we do this every time there's an election? Some people insisting the youth are really engaged this time, others offering reasons why the mainstream parties turn young voters off. Most young people are self-absorbed and apathetic. But this is nothing new, young people have never voted in numbers comparable to the rest of the population. Once they start paying taxes and becoming responsible members of society, they will start to vote. Or they won't. Either way, it doesn't matter. Do we really want people who don't feel informed enough to vote voting? There is no reason for a 20-year to be any less informed than a 40-year old, except they can't be bothered to inform themselves.

And that old line about how young people aren't engaged because the parties aren't addressing their issues? Bullshit. You either care about the world outside your immediate reality or you don't. What issues is it exactly that will get 18-24 year olds engaged? And will we want to waste our election cycle talking about them if we figure out what they are?

Turns out I'm a Conservative

Who woulda guessed? I just took the Vote By Issue quiz on the CBC website and it seems I agree with Stephen Harper on the most issues (8) and Paul Martin on the least (1). I opted out of the most important issue of the election, because the subject is just too important to be encapsulated in a few lines, and it turns out I don't agree with anyone on childcare funding.

I have to say, reading the issues broken down like that, I'm not inspired by any of the parties.

I very much look forward to paying for your children's daycare

It has come to light that there are still Canadians with young children who don't own an SUV. To correct this tragedy, the party leaders began falling over themselves today to offer money to parents for childcare. Stephen Harper wants to give parents a $1200 annual allowance for children under six, and Paul Martin fought back with his "contrasting values" (collectivism?), offering more money for the provinces to give to their child care bureaucracies. One can only expect that tomorrow Jack Layton will come forward with a proposal that will assign a Canadian family to each childless taxpayer so that they can pay for child care and emergency expenses.

Did I miss this debate? When did we all agree that we wanted to pay for the costs for other people's children? What's next? Does grandma want to retire to Florida? Can I offer some assistance paying for the flight?

Happy Holidays: Now we're related by marriage as well as by blood!

Charles and Camilla are using one of their wedding pics as the family Christmas card this year (cheapskates). Is this not the creepiest looking bunch of inbreds you've ever seen (well, I'm sure it could be bested by putting the Queen and Phil in the picture)? Camilla's son is the only person on Earth who can make Charles look vaguely human by comparisson.

Maybe next year they should just opt for a nice picture of Father Christmas.

I have yet to receive my card from the Royals. I assume it's just lost in the mail.

Support their Troops!

An assessment of the African Union from an aid worker on the ground in Darfur gives very little cause for hope.

There are far too few troops in Darfur and the ones that are there are underequipped. The international community has failed the people of Darfur by allowing the vastly unprepared African Union to attempt to police this crisis alone. By not even helping to provide basic necessities to the peace keepers in the region, the world has made quite clear that it has no interest in helping to resolve the situation in Darfur. Sleepless in Sudan rightly criticizes the cuts that the U.S. Congress has made in pledges to funding the African Union. But where is the rest of the world in this? Canada has pledged over a hundred armoured personnel carriers, of which 3 have arrived so far. If Canada is the great peacekeeping nation that it always claims, why haven't we taken a lead on this? Why haven't we offered the African Union more support? I know that we are facing a never ending health care crisis in this country, but maybe we could take a moment to care about someone else in this world for a change.

I'm bored, let's vote

Okay, it's been a few days now and this campaign is really really dull. Gun crime in Toronto should not be a federal election issue, I don't care about drug crime, I really don't care about softwood lumber, and I've already made clear my thoughts more than clear on the issue that shall not be named. And really, while I can support the idea of reducing the GST, it's not going to sustain me until January 23rd!

If for no other reason, this is why they should let the Greens participate in the debates. People have suggested that we exclude the Bloc to make way for the Greens, since they are not a national party. But that works counter to the goals of an interesting campaign, since at least Gilles Duceppe usually has something interesting to say. However, I'd like to suggest an alternative I haven't heard from anyone else: don't let the Liberals participate. Not only is Paul Martin decidedly uninteresting, we already know what he has to say. He's been whining at us for 12 years as either Prime Minister or Finance Minister, and it's tiresome. It would also probably do a lot for democracy in Canada if the Liberals were excluded from all debates. Canadians might actually be forced to think about what they believe if they didn't have a government-approved opinion to fall back on. See, it's good for everyone! Something to think about?

Go back to Harvard and we'll pretend like this whole thing never happened

It seems that some Liberals in the Etobicoke-Lakeshore riding that Michael Ignatieff was catapulted into want to reopen the nomination process so that they can actually choose their candidate. I have to say, I don't understand the reaction from these Liberals. They'll tolerate massive corruption at the national level from their party, but damnit, the nomination process in the ridings has to be open and fair.

I think that Michael should take this as an opportunity. Give up the nomination and go back to Harvard. You can go on teaching and writing on human rights issues and we can all pretend that this embarrassing incident never happened. We'll all be happier for it and you won't have to go down in history as the brilliant academic who gave it all up for some pathetic attempt at Canadian political glory.

My Pledge to You

Why do I bother to get excited about Canadian elections? I get giddy every time and then by day two I tune out. Why? Because I don't care about health care! One tier, two tiers, fifty-eight tiers. It's boring! It's not really a debate Canadians are willing to have anyway, we just like the party leaders to come out every once in a while and confirm their faith in a system of equally bad care for all Canadians.

So my promise to you, my readers, is that no matter what happens in this election -- even if Jack Layton suggests that we close down all the hospitals and resort to faith healing -- I am not going to talk about health care. The pretend health care 'debates' that we have during every federal and provincial election allow the politicians to pretend that they are talking about issues, when really they are just avoiding any serious political discussion. It is pathetic, and I won't be part of it.

Bitter Lemon, your health care free source for election coverage!

Harper's Determined to Stay Boring

In a boring move by a boring magazine, Roger Hodge, currently deputy editor, will be replacing Lewis Lapham as editor of Harper's Magazine in April.

But don't worry, Hodge isn't going to do anything crazy like try to make the magazine interesting or relevant:

"It will be the same magazine," he said...I don't have so much vanity that I think I have to walk in and put my stamp on it."

Ummm, okay, but you do realise that is actually going to be your job now, right?

If only...

Would that it were so.

Tony Ianno to be re-elected

Jack's little woman, Olivia Chow, has announced she will be stepping down from Toronto City Council to run again in Trinity-Spadina. You know, because her previous two attempts were so successful.

Must the opposition parties give up before the election is even called?

Paul Martin needs to pick up a history book

The government has fallen (which means for a few short weeks I can at least pretend that there could be a non-Liberal government).

King Paul was just speaking to his courtiers. He explained that Canadians should support the Liberal party because the Liberals believe in the values on which this country was founded. Among those values? The Charter of Rights and Freedoms. Oh, that great foundational document of Canadian history. Much like the Bill of Rights in the United States it outlined from the start the principles of this great nation.

Who could have known, over two decades ago, when our founding father Pierre Elliot Trudeau struggled against all odds to define the rights of the citizens of a new nation, whether this group of ten provinces and two territorries brought together only by our harsh terrain could succeed. But he had faith. And now the Liberals have delivered a record eight years of profit surplus. A wonderful history for a wonderful nation.

I know he's a busy man, but maybe he has time to pick up Canadian History for Dummies or something.

And you really want to be part of this Michael?

The Liberals are threatening to sue Stephen Harper for his claims that they were involved in organized crime.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines organized crime as:

crime which is deliberately organized and not petty or opportunistic, esp. that which is arranged and carried out in a systematic way on a large scale; the people who perpetrate this kind of crime collectively.

How can anybody who has heard the findings of the Gomery Inquiry disagree with this assessment? How are the Liberals allowed to constantly get away with behaving like the victim in all of this? Have we become so polite in this country that it is considered rude to point out in the run-up to an election campaign that the ruling party used government programs to steal money from taxpayers?

Maybe after they get re-elected (and let's face it, they will) they can change the laws so that it becomes a treasonous offense to speak ill of the Liberals. That way instead of having to sue opposition leaders, they can just have them imprisoned.

I believe the term is carpetbagging

It seems Michael Ignatieff has confirmed that he will be running as a Liberal in the next election in the riding of Etobicoke-Lakeshore. The man left Canada in 1978 and has since lived in England and the U.S. So exactly why anyone feels it is appropriate that he would run for election in Canada is beyond me.

But setting aside for one moment the question of whether he should run, can someone please tell me why he would want to? Is there some kind of glory in being a Liberal MP? Which sounds better in your mind, Director of the Carr Centre for Human Rights at Harvard or the Honourable Member for Etobicoke-Lakeshore?

The rumours are that he is aiming for party leader. Really? Why would it strike him that it would be okay for a man who has lived outside the country since before we patriated the constitution to aim for Prime Minister?

I love Michael Ignatieff's work on international human rights and have always thought him to be a strongly princpled man. But the idea that he can return to Canada after so much time and hope to jump into a leadership role in government is beyond arrogant. Welcome to the Liberal Party!

Why didn't anybody tell me?

Lewis Lapham is stepping down as editor of Harpers!!! This was announced earlier this month and somehow I completely missed it. The man has held the job longer than I have been alive, so perhaps he was a little past due for stepping down. I was a subscriber for years until it became positively unreadable in the post-9/11 world (we get it, you hate Bush). See, I can read nutty left-wing, just not boring nutty left-wing.

Encyclopedia Hanasiana has some ideas about who might replace Lapham. One can only hope that they don't take up his suggestion of Thomas Frank, author of Why Won't The Little People Act Like I Want them To? What's the Matter with Kansas? If a magazine is going to be relevant in the 21st Century, it is probably best to avoid people who are still able to use the term 'class warfare' with a straight face.

You didn't win a majority!

The Liberals are rejecting opposition demands to call an election. Remember last year when we went to the polls and re-elected them? I seem to recall something about them not winning a majority of the votes. Now, my understanding of minority governments is that they have to rely on the support of the other parties to govern. Granted, I clearly lack some fundamental understanding of the Canadian political system because I have never felt compelled to vote Liberal, and I have to imagine that the people who continue to do so know something I don't. Otherwise I would have to believe that a majority of Canadians are stupid.

Supposedly 6/10 Canadians don't want a Christmas Election. I'm personally a little concerned that Canadians being asked this question are of the opinion that they're going to have to go to the polls on December 25th. Does it really matter when you go and vote? Just show up at the polling station, put a tick beside the name of your Liberal candidate (does not apply to those in Alberta and Quebec), go home and eat some leftover turkey. See how easy? Of course, 6/10 Canadians is about the number who don't vote in a given election anyway. Maybe it's just that they keep timing them wrong. They're all waiting for a February 29th election.

Looking for someone to spam?

Why not try info@softlandings.com. Strangely, despite the fact that they use my comments section as their own free advertising space almost daily, they don't post their e-mail address on-line. It's almost like they are trying to avoid junk mail. I can only imagine that Softlandings is a scam that shouldn't be trusted by anyone interested in immigration to Canada.

Lest We Forget

To those who fought for our freedoms. Thank you.

The sad thing is that this is news

U.S. Deputy Secretary of State Robert Zoellick became frustrated with a regional commissioner in Darfur and yelled at him! According to CNN this "illustrated the difficulties of peacemaking in the restive region of western Sudan." I would suggest that all of the dead civilians and destroyed villages were a better illustration of said difficulties, but what do I know?

What is this need that the media has to talk in such polite terms about Sudanese officials and to pretend that they are anything other than a bunch of murderous thugs? Ethnic Arabs (who happen to be black Africans) and ethnic Africans, historical tensions, oh the complexity! Hundreds of thousands of people are dead, millions are displaced. When people see Chad as the better option, things have gotten very very bad. Now, if this was happening anywhere but Africa, we would blame the government. But it's complicated, the Sudanese government claims they are not responsible. Who is the media to doubt them? They do sit on the UN Human Rights Commission, it wouldn't be right to question their commitment to the well-being of their own citizens.

Come on people. It's just crazy tribal warfare, you know what the Africans are like!

Hasn't the man suffered enough?

Bagosora is now claiming that he tried but failed to save the lives of Belgian troops who were murdered by Rwanda soldiers in the days before the genocide. How could he have stopped them, it was just little him, a couple of machine guns and the troops he commanded facing a group of 'rogue' forces. What was a poor colonel to do? Apparently he 'became afraid and withdrew' and the Belgians died. But as proof of the triumph of the human spirit in the face of adversity, he recovered in no time at all to help co-ordinate the murders of 800,000 people. I think there might be room for Theoneste on the motivational speaker circuit.

The murder of the ten Belgian soldiers played a part in the international community's reluctance to send more forces into Rwanda as it descended into chaos in 1994. Of course, the bigger part was played by the fact that the world doesn't really give a damn about Africans being slaughtered by government backed militias (see also: Darfur). You want attention from the international media? Get yourself a distended belly and a swarm of flies and stop whining about the mass slaughter and the rape! 'Cos really, "let them know it's Christmas time and keep their limbs"... not very catchy.

George Smitherman a laughing stock outside of Ontario...

I would like to declare my undying devotion to Stephen Colbert after making fun of my asshole MPP tonight on the Colbert Report for his obscene (but entirely in character) remarks about optometrists being 'terrorists' (apparently they have funny notions about eyesight being important).

George, you are a dick, and now the whole continent knows it.

Update: The clip can be seen here. (Threatdown: From Pirates to Bears)

Lou gets to stay?!

As expected, CNN has decided to get rid of Aaron Brown to make room for more Anderson "Silver Fox" Cooper. Love Anderson as I do, I'm going to miss Aaron. I have to confess a softspot for one of the cheesiest men in the business. But what really bothers me is that this is yet another shake up of the CNN line-up and Lou Dobbs gets to stay (and if it bothers me, think how hurt Aaron must be). Who the hell watches Lou Dobbs?! We get it, we get it: immigrants and foreigners are stealing all the jobs and America's children will become slaves for the Chinese. There's really nothing more to say on the topic.

Not only does Lou get to stay, but they are working 'The Situation Room' around his schedule! Sadly, there are probably lots of us out there who will watch three straight hours of Wolf Blitzer, but two hours of Wolf, an hour of Lou and another hour of Wolf? Does this make sense to anyone? Clearly Lou Dobbs has incriminating photos of Jonathan Klein. How else to explain it?

Wipe the smile off your face

Scott Brison is on TV again, it is 7 hours later and he still hasn't wiped the smile off his face. This is not good news for Canada Scottie!

You know the longer you guys go on seeming really happy about this, the likelier it is that Canadians are going to clue in that people around King Paul are relieved. The only reason that King Paul's courtiers should be so happy is because they were concerned that the report was going to find him guilty of something. If he didn't do anything wrong, he shouldn't have had any reason to be concerned; so giddy relief strikes me as the wrong emotion.

You know how I like to help His Highness, so might I offer the suggestion that you retune the spin machine?

The Weasel Speaks

Jean Chretien is the only thing that can make me mildly tolerate Paul Martin. As much as I hate King Paul's bullshit, at least he doesn't try to mask the fact that he's a slimy politician behind claims of being a small town boy. The thing that bothers me the most is that Canadians seem to fall for it time and time again (indeed, he seems to be holding the press gallery in his thrall as I write). I mean, people are actually talking about the fact that this man has a legacy that could be damaged by this. What exactly is that legacy? (unless you count consolidating all power in the Prime Ministers Office.)

Jean is explaining that Judge Gomery made an error in blaming the Prime Minister's office for allowing the Liberal Party to steal our money. I can only imagine that he understands Judge Gomery's error to be that he doesn't get that you can't find Liberals guilty of things in this country, because they are above criticism and the law.

He is pointing out that the Sponsorship Program was a small program and the government is very large (I won't disagree with that). Do you know how hard it is to monitor the spending in such a huge government? Stuff like the sponsorship scandal is going to happen and, as I understand his point, we just have to learn to accept it. If we are going to keep this country together, we are just going to have to put up with reckless spending of our money with the funds going directly to the Liberal Party. Come on people. It is for the good of the nation!

Why is everyone so focused on the Liberals? Just because they are the ones who stole the money. Do you know that the NDP relies on the support of labour leaders? The Liberals can't rely on that, so occasionally they have to dip into taxpayer money. Come on people, it's only fair, they've got to level the playing field!

And let us not forget that it is 2005, but have you considered that Brian Mulroney is entirely responsible for this? Because Chretien has. It definitely seems like a Mulroney plot from start to finish. Hey Canadians, remember how much you hate Mulroney? I know you do. He was evil!

On the other hand can you look at Jean's crooked little smile and tell me honestly that you don't trust him? Ah, he had me at Âllo.

A good and decent party

Using the logic that if you say something, it makes it so, Mike Eizenga, President of the Liberal Party of Canada, just explained to CBC viewers that the Liberal Party is a 'good and decent party'. Yes, they used their power to funnel taxpayer money into their coffers, but they've been caught and now they claim that they will be giving the money back and isn't that the good and decent thing to do?

I can almost accept that he believes what he's saying. You have to think about it from the Liberals' perspective, they have a god-given right to rule this country and really don't understand what all this hoopla is about. When did Canadians start to worry about what they did with all that money the government collects?

How could you not be proud?

Someone from Le Devoir just asked King Paul if he was proud to be a Liberal. Of course he is proud! Did you know that it was a Liberal government that established the Gomery inquiry (and did you hear he's been exonerated?).

When pressed that it was the Liberals that were responsible for the scandal that led to the inquiry, Paul just looked at the reporter like she was crazy. Liberals established the inquiry and they're (allegedly) gonna give back the money. Damn bitch, let it drop!

Why does everyone keep acting like the Liberals did something wrong? Didn't everyone hear it was all some guy named Jean (and a healthy dose of opposition "innuendo")?

King Paul is a hero!

The Liberals never let me down. Did you hear it's not HRH King Paul I's fault? 'Cos that's what the report says. PAUL WAS EXONERATED. It's all Jean's fault and he is so yesterday's Prime Minister. Today's Liberals are a totally different group of people who had nothing to do with that guy. Jean who? The 'culture of entitlement' that Gomery refers to in his report is totally non-existant in the post-Jean Liberal party.

I'm watching the coverage on the CBC and Scott Brison needs to calm the fuck down. He's jumping around like a giddy little lap dog. Did you hear Paul's not to blame? Justice Gomery has just released a report outlining the depth of the corruption in the Liberal government and Scott comes out with a grin across his face to point out that IT'S NOT PAUL'S FAULT (Did you hear that yet? Paul had nothing to do with it). Hey Canadians, did you hear that the Liberals were fucking you over for years through the sponsorship scandal and when it became a political liability Paul Martin finally shut that program down? The man's a freaking hero!!!

And you know people will vote for him again...

Mr. Martin said last week that he was only following Judge Gomery's wishes in receiving the report first. But Judge Gomery has made it clear that the final decision rested with Mr. Martin.

In response to a letter from all three opposition parties, Judge Gomery said all 6,000 copies of his report belonged to the Government of Canada as of 6 p.m. EST Monday.

"The commission did not and does not plan to submit its report to the Prime Minister," Judge Gomery wrote in a letter earlier Monday.

"From (6 p.m.) on, the commission no longer owns the report and has no control over how it may be dealt with. Subsequent decisions about the tabling, public release and distribution of the report are the responsibility of the government....

"I am suggesting that careful consideration be given to the request (for opposition parties to receive the report Monday night)."

Every day I develop more and more respect for King Paul. He lies right to our faces and we let him. We don't deserve better government. We don't deserve not to be taken out back and shot.

"Excessive Massacres"

That is how Theoneste Bagosora has been referring to the 1994 genocide. You know, it was warm and rainy that year, the machetes just kind of slipped in peoples hands. Yes, it does seem there were a disproportionate number of Tutsis killed, but sometimes you'll flip a coin ten times and it keeps coming up heads. It's a crazy world!

It's the 'excessive' part I really love. Like we all recognize that occasionally there needs to be a moderate amount of massacre, you just need to know when to draw the line.

The other genocidal fuckhead currently on trial (no, not Milosevic, the other one)

I know everybody is anxiously awaiting the trial against Saddam. But to bide your time until that starts, might I draw your attention towards the International Criminal Tribunal on Rwanda in Arusha where Theoneste Bagosora took the stand in his own defence today in his trial on charges of genocide and crimes against humanity. He is generally considered to be the person most responsible for directing the genocide (and is Romeo Dallaire's titular "devil"). Theoneste's defense is that he can't be guilty of genocide, because it wasn't a genocide.... I guess if it has worked for Turkey for over 80 years, he may as well give it a shot.

Canada finds its place in the world

I don't even believe in destiny, but hosting the world's health ministers for a meeting on Avian flu is surely Canada's. There are only so many times that the provincial health ministers can get together before these gatherings become tedious. But international health ministers? Now that's the big time!

I don't like to start rumours (hah!), but has anyone considered that the Canadian government is responsible for creating the Avian flu? Sure SARS got the world excited about health, but not nearly enough for our liking. We needed a good old fashioned global flu pandemic in order to get the entire world completely focused on health (AIDS, schmAIDS). Sure, infectious disease isn't really our specialty (okay, it could completely be our specialty, I have no idea -- no offence intended medical researchers of Canada. Let's just say it isn't what we really like to talk about), but it's kinda hard to get the entire world focused on reducing hospital waitings times, so we'll take what we can get.

You heard it here first folks.

Well, I guess if Yasser has one....

They've given the Nobel Peace Prize to ElBaradei and the International Atomic Energy Agency. Remember when you were a kid and your parents used to tell you that all that they could ask for was that you try your best? (alright, those words never crossed my parents' lips, but I'm sure I've heard it said by many a TV mother) That's how the Nobel Committee decides who deserves a prize. It's not about succeeding in bringing more peace to the world, but how hard you try. The IAEA clearly wants there to not be any nuclear war, surely that counts for something. Let's give them a shiny gold star medal... and 10 million kronor!

I just hope that the Nobel Prize selection committee is prepared to deal with the consequences of their actions. By deciding that the peaceful use of nuclear energy is their issue this year, they have totally snubbed third world debt relief. And we all know an angry Bono is not going to be good for world peace. Don't say you weren't warned.