Can somebody fill me in?

The new Liberal ad campaign claims that there are over 30 million reasons to vote Liberal. Funny, I can't think of a single one!

The reason the U.N. will never work

Robert Mugabe has turned down an offer of tents to temporarily house the people that his government made homeless earlier this year by knocking down their homes.

"The president stressed we are not tents people," said Mr Mugabe's spokesman George Charamba, arguing that other countries were getting more help.

Of course, there is nothing that the U.N. can do. Homeless Zimbabweans will continue to go without even basic shelter because their government (who put them in this predicament in the first place) will not allow the world to help them.

This gets to the heart of why the U.N. will never truly succeed. As long as people are being victimized by their governments rather than a foreign power, there is really very little that the U.N. has the power to do. U.N. representatives will continue to talk in polite terms about 'disagreements' with the leaders of undemocratic regimes and people will continue to suffer.

The youth are really going to vote this time!

According to one survey, 88% of 18-24 year olds intend to vote. If the historical trend continues, over 60% of young Canadians will get lost on the way to the voting booth in January, as the number that vote is typically less than 25%. Why do we do this every time there's an election? Some people insisting the youth are really engaged this time, others offering reasons why the mainstream parties turn young voters off. Most young people are self-absorbed and apathetic. But this is nothing new, young people have never voted in numbers comparable to the rest of the population. Once they start paying taxes and becoming responsible members of society, they will start to vote. Or they won't. Either way, it doesn't matter. Do we really want people who don't feel informed enough to vote voting? There is no reason for a 20-year to be any less informed than a 40-year old, except they can't be bothered to inform themselves.

And that old line about how young people aren't engaged because the parties aren't addressing their issues? Bullshit. You either care about the world outside your immediate reality or you don't. What issues is it exactly that will get 18-24 year olds engaged? And will we want to waste our election cycle talking about them if we figure out what they are?

Turns out I'm a Conservative

Who woulda guessed? I just took the Vote By Issue quiz on the CBC website and it seems I agree with Stephen Harper on the most issues (8) and Paul Martin on the least (1). I opted out of the most important issue of the election, because the subject is just too important to be encapsulated in a few lines, and it turns out I don't agree with anyone on childcare funding.

I have to say, reading the issues broken down like that, I'm not inspired by any of the parties.

I very much look forward to paying for your children's daycare

It has come to light that there are still Canadians with young children who don't own an SUV. To correct this tragedy, the party leaders began falling over themselves today to offer money to parents for childcare. Stephen Harper wants to give parents a $1200 annual allowance for children under six, and Paul Martin fought back with his "contrasting values" (collectivism?), offering more money for the provinces to give to their child care bureaucracies. One can only expect that tomorrow Jack Layton will come forward with a proposal that will assign a Canadian family to each childless taxpayer so that they can pay for child care and emergency expenses.

Did I miss this debate? When did we all agree that we wanted to pay for the costs for other people's children? What's next? Does grandma want to retire to Florida? Can I offer some assistance paying for the flight?

Happy Holidays: Now we're related by marriage as well as by blood!

Charles and Camilla are using one of their wedding pics as the family Christmas card this year (cheapskates). Is this not the creepiest looking bunch of inbreds you've ever seen (well, I'm sure it could be bested by putting the Queen and Phil in the picture)? Camilla's son is the only person on Earth who can make Charles look vaguely human by comparisson.

Maybe next year they should just opt for a nice picture of Father Christmas.

I have yet to receive my card from the Royals. I assume it's just lost in the mail.

Support their Troops!

An assessment of the African Union from an aid worker on the ground in Darfur gives very little cause for hope.

There are far too few troops in Darfur and the ones that are there are underequipped. The international community has failed the people of Darfur by allowing the vastly unprepared African Union to attempt to police this crisis alone. By not even helping to provide basic necessities to the peace keepers in the region, the world has made quite clear that it has no interest in helping to resolve the situation in Darfur. Sleepless in Sudan rightly criticizes the cuts that the U.S. Congress has made in pledges to funding the African Union. But where is the rest of the world in this? Canada has pledged over a hundred armoured personnel carriers, of which 3 have arrived so far. If Canada is the great peacekeeping nation that it always claims, why haven't we taken a lead on this? Why haven't we offered the African Union more support? I know that we are facing a never ending health care crisis in this country, but maybe we could take a moment to care about someone else in this world for a change.

I'm bored, let's vote

Okay, it's been a few days now and this campaign is really really dull. Gun crime in Toronto should not be a federal election issue, I don't care about drug crime, I really don't care about softwood lumber, and I've already made clear my thoughts more than clear on the issue that shall not be named. And really, while I can support the idea of reducing the GST, it's not going to sustain me until January 23rd!

If for no other reason, this is why they should let the Greens participate in the debates. People have suggested that we exclude the Bloc to make way for the Greens, since they are not a national party. But that works counter to the goals of an interesting campaign, since at least Gilles Duceppe usually has something interesting to say. However, I'd like to suggest an alternative I haven't heard from anyone else: don't let the Liberals participate. Not only is Paul Martin decidedly uninteresting, we already know what he has to say. He's been whining at us for 12 years as either Prime Minister or Finance Minister, and it's tiresome. It would also probably do a lot for democracy in Canada if the Liberals were excluded from all debates. Canadians might actually be forced to think about what they believe if they didn't have a government-approved opinion to fall back on. See, it's good for everyone! Something to think about?

Go back to Harvard and we'll pretend like this whole thing never happened

It seems that some Liberals in the Etobicoke-Lakeshore riding that Michael Ignatieff was catapulted into want to reopen the nomination process so that they can actually choose their candidate. I have to say, I don't understand the reaction from these Liberals. They'll tolerate massive corruption at the national level from their party, but damnit, the nomination process in the ridings has to be open and fair.

I think that Michael should take this as an opportunity. Give up the nomination and go back to Harvard. You can go on teaching and writing on human rights issues and we can all pretend that this embarrassing incident never happened. We'll all be happier for it and you won't have to go down in history as the brilliant academic who gave it all up for some pathetic attempt at Canadian political glory.

My Pledge to You

Why do I bother to get excited about Canadian elections? I get giddy every time and then by day two I tune out. Why? Because I don't care about health care! One tier, two tiers, fifty-eight tiers. It's boring! It's not really a debate Canadians are willing to have anyway, we just like the party leaders to come out every once in a while and confirm their faith in a system of equally bad care for all Canadians.

So my promise to you, my readers, is that no matter what happens in this election -- even if Jack Layton suggests that we close down all the hospitals and resort to faith healing -- I am not going to talk about health care. The pretend health care 'debates' that we have during every federal and provincial election allow the politicians to pretend that they are talking about issues, when really they are just avoiding any serious political discussion. It is pathetic, and I won't be part of it.

Bitter Lemon, your health care free source for election coverage!

Harper's Determined to Stay Boring

In a boring move by a boring magazine, Roger Hodge, currently deputy editor, will be replacing Lewis Lapham as editor of Harper's Magazine in April.

But don't worry, Hodge isn't going to do anything crazy like try to make the magazine interesting or relevant:

"It will be the same magazine," he said...I don't have so much vanity that I think I have to walk in and put my stamp on it."

Ummm, okay, but you do realise that is actually going to be your job now, right?

If only...

Would that it were so.

Tony Ianno to be re-elected

Jack's little woman, Olivia Chow, has announced she will be stepping down from Toronto City Council to run again in Trinity-Spadina. You know, because her previous two attempts were so successful.

Must the opposition parties give up before the election is even called?

Paul Martin needs to pick up a history book

The government has fallen (which means for a few short weeks I can at least pretend that there could be a non-Liberal government).

King Paul was just speaking to his courtiers. He explained that Canadians should support the Liberal party because the Liberals believe in the values on which this country was founded. Among those values? The Charter of Rights and Freedoms. Oh, that great foundational document of Canadian history. Much like the Bill of Rights in the United States it outlined from the start the principles of this great nation.

Who could have known, over two decades ago, when our founding father Pierre Elliot Trudeau struggled against all odds to define the rights of the citizens of a new nation, whether this group of ten provinces and two territorries brought together only by our harsh terrain could succeed. But he had faith. And now the Liberals have delivered a record eight years of profit surplus. A wonderful history for a wonderful nation.

I know he's a busy man, but maybe he has time to pick up Canadian History for Dummies or something.

And you really want to be part of this Michael?

The Liberals are threatening to sue Stephen Harper for his claims that they were involved in organized crime.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines organized crime as:

crime which is deliberately organized and not petty or opportunistic, esp. that which is arranged and carried out in a systematic way on a large scale; the people who perpetrate this kind of crime collectively.

How can anybody who has heard the findings of the Gomery Inquiry disagree with this assessment? How are the Liberals allowed to constantly get away with behaving like the victim in all of this? Have we become so polite in this country that it is considered rude to point out in the run-up to an election campaign that the ruling party used government programs to steal money from taxpayers?

Maybe after they get re-elected (and let's face it, they will) they can change the laws so that it becomes a treasonous offense to speak ill of the Liberals. That way instead of having to sue opposition leaders, they can just have them imprisoned.

I believe the term is carpetbagging

It seems Michael Ignatieff has confirmed that he will be running as a Liberal in the next election in the riding of Etobicoke-Lakeshore. The man left Canada in 1978 and has since lived in England and the U.S. So exactly why anyone feels it is appropriate that he would run for election in Canada is beyond me.

But setting aside for one moment the question of whether he should run, can someone please tell me why he would want to? Is there some kind of glory in being a Liberal MP? Which sounds better in your mind, Director of the Carr Centre for Human Rights at Harvard or the Honourable Member for Etobicoke-Lakeshore?

The rumours are that he is aiming for party leader. Really? Why would it strike him that it would be okay for a man who has lived outside the country since before we patriated the constitution to aim for Prime Minister?

I love Michael Ignatieff's work on international human rights and have always thought him to be a strongly princpled man. But the idea that he can return to Canada after so much time and hope to jump into a leadership role in government is beyond arrogant. Welcome to the Liberal Party!

Why didn't anybody tell me?

Lewis Lapham is stepping down as editor of Harpers!!! This was announced earlier this month and somehow I completely missed it. The man has held the job longer than I have been alive, so perhaps he was a little past due for stepping down. I was a subscriber for years until it became positively unreadable in the post-9/11 world (we get it, you hate Bush). See, I can read nutty left-wing, just not boring nutty left-wing.

Encyclopedia Hanasiana has some ideas about who might replace Lapham. One can only hope that they don't take up his suggestion of Thomas Frank, author of Why Won't The Little People Act Like I Want them To? What's the Matter with Kansas? If a magazine is going to be relevant in the 21st Century, it is probably best to avoid people who are still able to use the term 'class warfare' with a straight face.

You didn't win a majority!

The Liberals are rejecting opposition demands to call an election. Remember last year when we went to the polls and re-elected them? I seem to recall something about them not winning a majority of the votes. Now, my understanding of minority governments is that they have to rely on the support of the other parties to govern. Granted, I clearly lack some fundamental understanding of the Canadian political system because I have never felt compelled to vote Liberal, and I have to imagine that the people who continue to do so know something I don't. Otherwise I would have to believe that a majority of Canadians are stupid.

Supposedly 6/10 Canadians don't want a Christmas Election. I'm personally a little concerned that Canadians being asked this question are of the opinion that they're going to have to go to the polls on December 25th. Does it really matter when you go and vote? Just show up at the polling station, put a tick beside the name of your Liberal candidate (does not apply to those in Alberta and Quebec), go home and eat some leftover turkey. See how easy? Of course, 6/10 Canadians is about the number who don't vote in a given election anyway. Maybe it's just that they keep timing them wrong. They're all waiting for a February 29th election.

Looking for someone to spam?

Why not try info@softlandings.com. Strangely, despite the fact that they use my comments section as their own free advertising space almost daily, they don't post their e-mail address on-line. It's almost like they are trying to avoid junk mail. I can only imagine that Softlandings is a scam that shouldn't be trusted by anyone interested in immigration to Canada.

Lest We Forget

To those who fought for our freedoms. Thank you.

The sad thing is that this is news

U.S. Deputy Secretary of State Robert Zoellick became frustrated with a regional commissioner in Darfur and yelled at him! According to CNN this "illustrated the difficulties of peacemaking in the restive region of western Sudan." I would suggest that all of the dead civilians and destroyed villages were a better illustration of said difficulties, but what do I know?

What is this need that the media has to talk in such polite terms about Sudanese officials and to pretend that they are anything other than a bunch of murderous thugs? Ethnic Arabs (who happen to be black Africans) and ethnic Africans, historical tensions, oh the complexity! Hundreds of thousands of people are dead, millions are displaced. When people see Chad as the better option, things have gotten very very bad. Now, if this was happening anywhere but Africa, we would blame the government. But it's complicated, the Sudanese government claims they are not responsible. Who is the media to doubt them? They do sit on the UN Human Rights Commission, it wouldn't be right to question their commitment to the well-being of their own citizens.

Come on people. It's just crazy tribal warfare, you know what the Africans are like!

Hasn't the man suffered enough?

Bagosora is now claiming that he tried but failed to save the lives of Belgian troops who were murdered by Rwanda soldiers in the days before the genocide. How could he have stopped them, it was just little him, a couple of machine guns and the troops he commanded facing a group of 'rogue' forces. What was a poor colonel to do? Apparently he 'became afraid and withdrew' and the Belgians died. But as proof of the triumph of the human spirit in the face of adversity, he recovered in no time at all to help co-ordinate the murders of 800,000 people. I think there might be room for Theoneste on the motivational speaker circuit.

The murder of the ten Belgian soldiers played a part in the international community's reluctance to send more forces into Rwanda as it descended into chaos in 1994. Of course, the bigger part was played by the fact that the world doesn't really give a damn about Africans being slaughtered by government backed militias (see also: Darfur). You want attention from the international media? Get yourself a distended belly and a swarm of flies and stop whining about the mass slaughter and the rape! 'Cos really, "let them know it's Christmas time and keep their limbs"... not very catchy.

George Smitherman a laughing stock outside of Ontario...

I would like to declare my undying devotion to Stephen Colbert after making fun of my asshole MPP tonight on the Colbert Report for his obscene (but entirely in character) remarks about optometrists being 'terrorists' (apparently they have funny notions about eyesight being important).

George, you are a dick, and now the whole continent knows it.

Update: The clip can be seen here. (Threatdown: From Pirates to Bears)

Lou gets to stay?!

As expected, CNN has decided to get rid of Aaron Brown to make room for more Anderson "Silver Fox" Cooper. Love Anderson as I do, I'm going to miss Aaron. I have to confess a softspot for one of the cheesiest men in the business. But what really bothers me is that this is yet another shake up of the CNN line-up and Lou Dobbs gets to stay (and if it bothers me, think how hurt Aaron must be). Who the hell watches Lou Dobbs?! We get it, we get it: immigrants and foreigners are stealing all the jobs and America's children will become slaves for the Chinese. There's really nothing more to say on the topic.

Not only does Lou get to stay, but they are working 'The Situation Room' around his schedule! Sadly, there are probably lots of us out there who will watch three straight hours of Wolf Blitzer, but two hours of Wolf, an hour of Lou and another hour of Wolf? Does this make sense to anyone? Clearly Lou Dobbs has incriminating photos of Jonathan Klein. How else to explain it?

Wipe the smile off your face

Scott Brison is on TV again, it is 7 hours later and he still hasn't wiped the smile off his face. This is not good news for Canada Scottie!

You know the longer you guys go on seeming really happy about this, the likelier it is that Canadians are going to clue in that people around King Paul are relieved. The only reason that King Paul's courtiers should be so happy is because they were concerned that the report was going to find him guilty of something. If he didn't do anything wrong, he shouldn't have had any reason to be concerned; so giddy relief strikes me as the wrong emotion.

You know how I like to help His Highness, so might I offer the suggestion that you retune the spin machine?

The Weasel Speaks

Jean Chretien is the only thing that can make me mildly tolerate Paul Martin. As much as I hate King Paul's bullshit, at least he doesn't try to mask the fact that he's a slimy politician behind claims of being a small town boy. The thing that bothers me the most is that Canadians seem to fall for it time and time again (indeed, he seems to be holding the press gallery in his thrall as I write). I mean, people are actually talking about the fact that this man has a legacy that could be damaged by this. What exactly is that legacy? (unless you count consolidating all power in the Prime Ministers Office.)

Jean is explaining that Judge Gomery made an error in blaming the Prime Minister's office for allowing the Liberal Party to steal our money. I can only imagine that he understands Judge Gomery's error to be that he doesn't get that you can't find Liberals guilty of things in this country, because they are above criticism and the law.

He is pointing out that the Sponsorship Program was a small program and the government is very large (I won't disagree with that). Do you know how hard it is to monitor the spending in such a huge government? Stuff like the sponsorship scandal is going to happen and, as I understand his point, we just have to learn to accept it. If we are going to keep this country together, we are just going to have to put up with reckless spending of our money with the funds going directly to the Liberal Party. Come on people. It is for the good of the nation!

Why is everyone so focused on the Liberals? Just because they are the ones who stole the money. Do you know that the NDP relies on the support of labour leaders? The Liberals can't rely on that, so occasionally they have to dip into taxpayer money. Come on people, it's only fair, they've got to level the playing field!

And let us not forget that it is 2005, but have you considered that Brian Mulroney is entirely responsible for this? Because Chretien has. It definitely seems like a Mulroney plot from start to finish. Hey Canadians, remember how much you hate Mulroney? I know you do. He was evil!

On the other hand can you look at Jean's crooked little smile and tell me honestly that you don't trust him? Ah, he had me at Âllo.

A good and decent party

Using the logic that if you say something, it makes it so, Mike Eizenga, President of the Liberal Party of Canada, just explained to CBC viewers that the Liberal Party is a 'good and decent party'. Yes, they used their power to funnel taxpayer money into their coffers, but they've been caught and now they claim that they will be giving the money back and isn't that the good and decent thing to do?

I can almost accept that he believes what he's saying. You have to think about it from the Liberals' perspective, they have a god-given right to rule this country and really don't understand what all this hoopla is about. When did Canadians start to worry about what they did with all that money the government collects?

How could you not be proud?

Someone from Le Devoir just asked King Paul if he was proud to be a Liberal. Of course he is proud! Did you know that it was a Liberal government that established the Gomery inquiry (and did you hear he's been exonerated?).

When pressed that it was the Liberals that were responsible for the scandal that led to the inquiry, Paul just looked at the reporter like she was crazy. Liberals established the inquiry and they're (allegedly) gonna give back the money. Damn bitch, let it drop!

Why does everyone keep acting like the Liberals did something wrong? Didn't everyone hear it was all some guy named Jean (and a healthy dose of opposition "innuendo")?

King Paul is a hero!

The Liberals never let me down. Did you hear it's not HRH King Paul I's fault? 'Cos that's what the report says. PAUL WAS EXONERATED. It's all Jean's fault and he is so yesterday's Prime Minister. Today's Liberals are a totally different group of people who had nothing to do with that guy. Jean who? The 'culture of entitlement' that Gomery refers to in his report is totally non-existant in the post-Jean Liberal party.

I'm watching the coverage on the CBC and Scott Brison needs to calm the fuck down. He's jumping around like a giddy little lap dog. Did you hear Paul's not to blame? Justice Gomery has just released a report outlining the depth of the corruption in the Liberal government and Scott comes out with a grin across his face to point out that IT'S NOT PAUL'S FAULT (Did you hear that yet? Paul had nothing to do with it). Hey Canadians, did you hear that the Liberals were fucking you over for years through the sponsorship scandal and when it became a political liability Paul Martin finally shut that program down? The man's a freaking hero!!!

And you know people will vote for him again...

Mr. Martin said last week that he was only following Judge Gomery's wishes in receiving the report first. But Judge Gomery has made it clear that the final decision rested with Mr. Martin.

In response to a letter from all three opposition parties, Judge Gomery said all 6,000 copies of his report belonged to the Government of Canada as of 6 p.m. EST Monday.

"The commission did not and does not plan to submit its report to the Prime Minister," Judge Gomery wrote in a letter earlier Monday.

"From (6 p.m.) on, the commission no longer owns the report and has no control over how it may be dealt with. Subsequent decisions about the tabling, public release and distribution of the report are the responsibility of the government....

"I am suggesting that careful consideration be given to the request (for opposition parties to receive the report Monday night)."

Every day I develop more and more respect for King Paul. He lies right to our faces and we let him. We don't deserve better government. We don't deserve not to be taken out back and shot.

"Excessive Massacres"

That is how Theoneste Bagosora has been referring to the 1994 genocide. You know, it was warm and rainy that year, the machetes just kind of slipped in peoples hands. Yes, it does seem there were a disproportionate number of Tutsis killed, but sometimes you'll flip a coin ten times and it keeps coming up heads. It's a crazy world!

It's the 'excessive' part I really love. Like we all recognize that occasionally there needs to be a moderate amount of massacre, you just need to know when to draw the line.

The other genocidal fuckhead currently on trial (no, not Milosevic, the other one)

I know everybody is anxiously awaiting the trial against Saddam. But to bide your time until that starts, might I draw your attention towards the International Criminal Tribunal on Rwanda in Arusha where Theoneste Bagosora took the stand in his own defence today in his trial on charges of genocide and crimes against humanity. He is generally considered to be the person most responsible for directing the genocide (and is Romeo Dallaire's titular "devil"). Theoneste's defense is that he can't be guilty of genocide, because it wasn't a genocide.... I guess if it has worked for Turkey for over 80 years, he may as well give it a shot.

Canada finds its place in the world

I don't even believe in destiny, but hosting the world's health ministers for a meeting on Avian flu is surely Canada's. There are only so many times that the provincial health ministers can get together before these gatherings become tedious. But international health ministers? Now that's the big time!

I don't like to start rumours (hah!), but has anyone considered that the Canadian government is responsible for creating the Avian flu? Sure SARS got the world excited about health, but not nearly enough for our liking. We needed a good old fashioned global flu pandemic in order to get the entire world completely focused on health (AIDS, schmAIDS). Sure, infectious disease isn't really our specialty (okay, it could completely be our specialty, I have no idea -- no offence intended medical researchers of Canada. Let's just say it isn't what we really like to talk about), but it's kinda hard to get the entire world focused on reducing hospital waitings times, so we'll take what we can get.

You heard it here first folks.

Well, I guess if Yasser has one....

They've given the Nobel Peace Prize to ElBaradei and the International Atomic Energy Agency. Remember when you were a kid and your parents used to tell you that all that they could ask for was that you try your best? (alright, those words never crossed my parents' lips, but I'm sure I've heard it said by many a TV mother) That's how the Nobel Committee decides who deserves a prize. It's not about succeeding in bringing more peace to the world, but how hard you try. The IAEA clearly wants there to not be any nuclear war, surely that counts for something. Let's give them a shiny gold star medal... and 10 million kronor!

I just hope that the Nobel Prize selection committee is prepared to deal with the consequences of their actions. By deciding that the peaceful use of nuclear energy is their issue this year, they have totally snubbed third world debt relief. And we all know an angry Bono is not going to be good for world peace. Don't say you weren't warned.

I'm never quite clear on this: will she get the virgins too?

A woman wearing an explosive belt blew herself up today in Iraq, murdering 5 Iraqi civilians and injuring 20 others. This reportedly makes her the first female suicide bomber in the terror campaign against Iraqis. Don't let it be said that al-Qaeda in Iraq isn't an equal opportunity employer!

So, in case you're keeping track.... Showing your face in public: no. Murdering innocents: yes.

You'd almost think that they didn't care

The UN's special advisor on preventing genocide, Juan Mendez, suggested today that the government in Khartoum hasn't done enough to rein in the janjaweed in Darfur. According to Mr. Mendez, they "...don't see a serious good faith effort on the part of the government to disarm."

Jeez, you would totally think that a government that turned armed militias on it's own citizens would force those same militias to back down once it became apparent that the international community wasn't going to do anything about it. Seriously people, what have you gotta do to turn genocidal regimes into responsible world citizens? 'Cos if this is going to involve actual effort well then I'm sorry Darfuris but you should have picked another continent to be born on.

But, then again, maybe I'm looking at this the wrong way. According to an article published on the International Herald Tribune website, the supposed "genocide" is just Republican spin to detract from the war in Iraq. It's just like all that hoopla around the "murder" of 800,000 Rwandans back in 1994 to detract from the tragic slaughter of Nicole Simpson and Ronald Goldman.

I'm sick of paying for groceries too... send some of that aid my way

One of the things that you often hear from defenders of the UN is that they feed people well. If you've been raped and mutilated by government forces, rest assured that if you somehow manage make your way to a refugee camp they'll have food ready for you (hey, you might even earn a little cash selling your body to the local UN personnel... provided you haven't been too badly mutilated).

The World Food Programme has apparently decided that they feed people so well, that they can do so whether or not the aid is needed and without regard for what it does to the local economy. Tim Worstall's piece at Tech Central Station outlines just how badly they are messing things up in Niger.

Hey, if the economies in Africa improve they could be out of a job. What possible incentive do they have not to screw things up?

Simon Wiesenthal, 1908-2005

Holocaust survivor Simon Wiesenthal died today at 96. Wiesenthal was renowned for his tireless efforts, through his Jewish Documentation Centre, in making sure that Nazi war criminals were brought to justice.

Wiesenthal was not without controversy, with some accusing him of self-aggrandizement. Whatever the truth of these claims, the fact is that Wiesenthal played an important role in highlighting the role of individuals in perpetrating the crimes of the Holocaust. Far too often, the Holocaust is remembered as the genocide of European Jewry by the Nazi machine. Just as the victims were individuals, so too were those responsible for the murders.

Because you're not already wasting enough time at work....

Google Blog Search has arrived.

Stay Strong My Fellow Canadians!

Last night I attended a panel discussion on the issues arising from All Souls, the 'omnibus film' made up of 16 short films responding to the brutal murder last year of Dutch film maker Theo Van Gogh by a Muslim fundamentalist. Which 'question' (and question goes in quotes because as anyone who has ever attended a public discussion knows, questions from the audience are just usually statements/mini-lectures which end with 'wouldn't you agree?') received raucous applause from the audience? The one in which a woman, who seemed to particularly enjoy the sound of her own voice, pointed out that in Canada we are under threat from the 'fundamentalists in the great elephant to the south'.

Is there no limit to the depth of the political discussion in this country? We are so wise.

One day I hope to be able to cycle through the streets of this city without fear that a Christian from Buffalo will ritualistically murder me. Until that day comes -- when the United Nations forces arrive to free us from our fundamentalist oppressors -- we must remain vigilant in our self-obsession!

"I'll have a large Rwandan please"

My morning coffee for the past two days has been the Rwandan Cup of Hope from Second Cup. It's some new coffee they launched, and though no information is to be found on their website and I have been unable to find a press release on-line, in stores they are marketing as their part in helping to rejuvenate the Rwandan economy.

So without further information it is not really possible to tell whether this represents a new investment in Rwanda or if they are simply buying coffee from a previously existing Rwandan coffee market. Given the tone of the posters in the store and their 'Solid Grounds' program , I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume the former. In which case, good for you Second Cup.

If it is the latter and they are just exploiting the memory of the genocide to sell coffee and improve their reputation as good global citizens, I will be nominating them for the "Paul Martin Award for Audacity in Using a Genocide to Your Advantage" and renouncing my 'Coffee Agent' certification.

Film Festival leaps into the 1990s

The Film Festival has announced that for the first time this year, moviegoers will be able to order all of their tickets on-line.

"How cool is that?" TIFF managing director Michelle Maheux asked the crowd assembled for the final pre-festival press conference in Toronto on Tuesday.

"You can sit in your pyjamas and order tickets to the festival," she enthused.

In my pajamas? Is there no end to what you can do on the information super highway?!! I can't wait for the day when I can do my banking or swap music files on-line!

Am I just cynical, or does anyone else think that any event that is this giddy about on-line sales in 2005 is going to screw it up miserably? All I'm saying is that if I end up with tickets to a Lars von Trier movie, I'm gonna sue!

Spicoli in Tehran

There has been a lot in the media lately about Iran. The controversial elections, the nuclear threat, the war in the country next door that has practically the same name! It's all very confusing. Luckily, the first piece in Sean Penn's much awaited series on his trip to Iran has finally been published in the San Francisco Chronicle. Sean will clear it all up for us.

It's the week preceding presidential elections. Candidates attack one another's credibility. Activists push to boycott the vote. Traffic and pollution choke the cities. Leftists support a no-win idealist. Preachers guide their flocks toward political starboard. The media have fallen under the grip of standing power, and should they defy it, they're imprisoned. University students promote human rights, while fundamentalists deny them. It is a culture in love with cinema. With Brad Pitt. Angelina Jolie. And anything Steven Spielberg. It is a nation of nuclear power, where the lobbies of the religious right effectively blur the lines between church and state. But it is also a country of good and hospitable people. And when the local team wins a big match, there is dancing, kissing, drinking and drugs in the streets. Women are graduating the campuses in higher and higher numbers, occupying government in higher and higher numbers. Sound familiar?

Wow, Sean, yes. Iran sounds just like America! Remember when the Canadian journalist went to the States a couple of years back and took pictures of a prison and was arrested and murdered by the government? Oh, wait, that was Iran. Okay, well, remember how the government executed two teenagers in Memphis in July just for been gay? No, that was in Mashhad. That's Iran too, right? Well, alright, you do mention the grip that the media has fallen under. I will grant you that point. Because, in America, Fox News is popular and right wing and changing the channel is hard when you left the remote on the other side of the room, and in Iran independant newspapers are shut down by the state, satellite dishes are illegal and bloggers have been imprisoned just for blogging. Which, you know, is pretty much the same thing.

I'm all for showing that Iranians are not all crazy fundamentalist Muslims. It is a very important point to be made. But the Iranian state is still very repressive. This is not the same thing as having an freely elected government that you don't like. This type of comparison is only slightly less infuriating than the Bush as Hitler analogy. It's lazy thinking, and it is offensive to people who have actually been oppressed by their governments.

Personally, I think I preferred Sean Penn when he was beating up paparazzi and smacking Madonna around (come to think of it, I preferred her then too).

Missing the Point

So our Governor-General-to-be, Michaelle Jean, has publicly declared that she is committed to federalism. I for one am incredibly relieved. After all, it is an extremely important position: she represents the Queen in Canada. It took many hundreds of years of careful imbreeding to create the delicate balance of ugly and stupid that is the House of Windsor and you can't just let anyone represent them.

'Lemon, I can't believe you are being so glib about this', I hear you thinking to yourselves (or is that just the voices again?). Don't get me wrong. I think that the fact that the Prime Minister picked a GG whose commitment to the country can be questioned at all is kinda sad (but that's what happens when you let Liberals make decisions). But I find it much sadder that we don't get to pick our head of state. It is the 21st Century and we have a monarch. And not even our own. We have to share her. Am I the only one that thinks this is the bigger problem?

No one has ever really been able to explain to me why constitutional monarchies make sense. There's that old lie about "stability" that my history teacher used to feed me. But seriously, am I to believe that if we had an elected head of state that all of a sudden the country would become an ungovernable mess? When was the last time that the Queen (or her chosen representative) stepped in to resolve one of our problems? I know things can get pretty hairy with the health care debates in this country sometimes, but somehow I don't envision King Charles using his superior intellect to solve the dilemna.

I'm also not buying the whole argument that we have to have some head of state so why not the Queen. Because that's just laziness, which I don't think is generally a great quality in a nation. I don't want to suggest that it would solve our problems of national identity, but it might help a little if we had a head of state that we actually believed in.

My favourite of all the arguments for keeping the monarchy is that it distinguishes us from the Americans. No matter how bad an idea is, as long as the Yanks didn't have it first, cling on to it for dear life. Let's all go barefoot in January... they'd never think of that!

So yes, Michaelle Jean was a horrible choice -- even ignoring her attitudes about separatism. But when you're picked to represent a woman who is basically trailer trash with lots of money and a castle, it is hard to get concerned. Wake me up when the country cares about the bigger issue.

Taking Journalists to Task

Nicholas Kristoff, one of the very few journalists who has covered Darfur throughout the crisis, takes the media to task in his column today for failing to cover the genocide.

One suspects that in a decade or so when we are commemorating Darfur, as we commemorated Rwanda last year, the media will have plenty of criticism for today's political leadership -- as well they should. But they could play a very important role in bringing the world's attention to this tragedy and they have chosen not to.

No one can say it like Hitch

Christopher Hitchens has a brilliant piece on Slate today about what Srebrenica taught us -- or ought to have -- about intervention:

Why did Saddam Hussein, that great lion of the Arab and Muslim world, denounce the American bombing of the Muslim-killing Milosevic? Why did Qaddafi do the same? For the very same reason that Christian fascists in Serbia now denounce the intervention in Iraq: They know that the main foe is the United States and that this fact transcends all the others. There has been a great deal of nonsense published in the last week to the effect that an alliance with the United States can put other countries like Britain in the position of being "targeted." Why deny this? I reflect on what was not done at Srebrenica, and on what ought to have been done in Rwanda, and on what was put off too long with the Taliban and the Baathists, and I think what an honor it is to have such enemies. Co-existence with them is not possible, which is good, because it is not desirable or tolerable, either. The Srebrenica memorial stands as enduring testimony to that inescapable conclusion.

All too often the temptation toward appeasement proves stronger than the will to act. Unfortunately, it is rarely the appeasers who pay the highest price.

Ten Years

Today marks the anniversary of one of the biggest failures of the international community since the founding of the United Nations. Over 8,000 Bosnian Muslims were slaughtered after Bosnian Serb forces overran the supposed UN safe haven of Srebrenica and the world stood by and did nothing. 50,000 people, including the typical foreign dignitary set, showed up at an event to mark the occasion.

Meanwhile, the commander of European Union forces in Europe insists that they're getting closer to catching Ratko Mladic and Radovan Karazdic who have been indicted in the Hague on charges of genocide for the role they played in this and other attrocities. He pointed out that it's "a bit like getting Osama bin Laden". This would be true if Osama bin Laden lived in Europe and attended public events. On Saturday, a ceremony was held to commemorate Serb victims of the wars in Yugoslavia, and who should be sat in the front row but Mladic and Karazdic (faithful readers of this blog will recall that Ratko is still collecting his pension.) So on what planet this is anything at all like capturing Osama, I am not sure.

The Europeans weren't really all that bothered about the slaugters going on in their own backyard while it was occuring, so there doesn't really seem to be a reason for them to care now that it is over. However, I would appreciate it if they didn't pretend to be trying to do something about bringing genocidal murderers to justice, when those same murderers are practically stood in a public square yelling "nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, you can't catch me".

Sign me up!

Using Robert Fisk's logic (that people who refuse to bow down to Osama's demands deserve to be attacked) against him, Tim Blair has posted an ultimatum: stop writing articles like the one yesterday or we will steal your shoes.

Very well; if you, Fisk, keep writing this crap, I will employ a squadron of expert footwear bandits to steal all your shoes. Do you know what it’s like to live without shoes, Robert? To wake every morning knowing that the shoes you had the night before are now in a foreign port being busted down to spare parts by criminal gangs operating under the direction of international shoelords?

Having been raised on the wonderful game of Shoe Tag as a child (much like regular tag except instead of just having to touch someone to make them 'it', you steal the shoes from off their feet... I'm not sure what genius thought it up), let me be the first to volunteer to join this squadron.

Fisk's full article is now available on his website if you have the stomach for it.

Could I get a list of what I'm allowed to say?

I would like to preface this by saying I really really hate it when our justice system puts me in the position to have to defend anti-semites.

David Ahenakew was found guilty of thought crime (or as the government likes to call it 'willfully promoting hatred') today, and fined $1,000 for anti-semitic remarks that he made in 2002. I think this man is a despicable piece of filth. I would probably go so far as to say that I hate him, and I would willfully promote you to do so as well. I was very glad to see him stripped of the Order of Canada. I also think that this man is entitled to hate whoever he wants and to share his opinions with whoever he wants.

Yes, he probably hurt some feelings by calling Jews a disease. But I don't think it could reasonably be claimed that he actually put anyone in danger. No decent person wants to hear anyone justify the Holocaust, but this man is not in the position to start rounding people up and moving them to ghettos.

If we have become a state that protects people from having their feelings hurt, perhaps we should start having police monitor the halls in junior high schools across the country, because 12 year olds can really be mean!

Freedom of speech is an integral part of a democratic society. There is no value in what this man said. But where do you draw the line? Who gets to determine which speech is protected and which is not? And do they really think that they have done any good by finding this man guilty of hateful speech? So that now the people who agree with him feel that he is a victim of the state. Racists with a legitimate reason to be angry at the justice system. That's exactly what we need.

Peace in Our Time

The expected response from Robert Fisk today (subscription or access to a university library system required), convinced that if we just give Osama what he wants he'll go away. This totally always works! Britain will leave the Muslim world alone and Osama's followers will stop bombing England.

To go on pretending that Britain's enemies want to destroy 'what we hold dear' encourages racism; what we are confronting here is a specific, direct, centralised attack on London as a result of a 'war on terror' which Lord Blair of Kut al- Amara has locked us into. Just before the US presidential elections, Bin Laden asked: 'Why do we not attack Sweden?'

Lucky Sweden. No Osama bin Laden there. And no Tony Blair.

Yeah, you know who else Sweden didn't take sides against? Hitler. Which was great for Sweden who were free to direct their energies toward finding practical solutions to the world's furniture assembly problems, but if England and the U.S. had had that attitude there'd be no Jews left. And though Osama wouldn't have a problem with that, I have a sense that Adolf would have turned his attentions to the Muslim hordes eventually.

What Robert Fisk fails to explain is what business Iraq is of Osama's. Mecca and Medina I might grant you for the sake of the argument (although not the modern political state of Saudi Arabia). But from what I recall, despite some attempts on Saddam's part to buddy up to the Islamists after the Gulf War, Iraq was a secular state. And it has to be about Iraq, because if this is about Afghanistan then Sweden's in trouble too, because they have forces there as peacekeepers. And I tend to feel that Osama might frown upon that, because helping turn theocracies into democracies would seem to work counter to his goals.

If we're talking not just about Muslim holy sites, but countries with lots of Muslims, how many do you need for Osama to make you his business? With Muslim immigration to Europe growing, and a higher birth rate among Muslims, eventually they could reach a critical mass so that Osama gets to decide what is right for those countries too. Will he or his designates then get to be represented in the European Union and in various European governments? Surely they should (one suspects that these representative bodies wouldn't last very long if they did). Although the vast majority of the world's Muslims have never claimed to be represented by this man, he is willing to kill lots of innocent people, so his aims must be valid.

It is not encouraging racism to say that Osama and those who agree with him seek to destroy our way of life, unless you group all Muslims in with Osama (and even then it wouldn't really be racist, as last time I checked Muslims can be any race). What is racist is to assume that the people of the Middle East want to live the way that Osama bin Laden thinks that they should, as though people with darker skin are somehow less democratic by nature.

It's all very well for people like Robert Fisk to demand that we appease Osama, because they are going to get to continue to lead their well off Western lives. No one is ever going to force Robert into a burka or stone him to death for showing a little too much ankle. Just as no one was ever going to force King Gustav into a gas chamber. Pity that.

"An air of weary inevitability"

Ian McEwan's piece in the Times today reflects on the mood in London after yesterday's attacks:

...now the disaster was upon us, it had an air of weary inevitability, and it looked familiar, as though it happened long ago. In the drizzle and dim light, the police lines, the emergency vehicles, the silent passers-by appeared as though in an old newsreel film in black and white. The news of the successful Olympic bid was more surprising than this. How could we have forgotten that this was always going to happen?

We now live in a world in which it will continue to happen. It is not a matter of if the next attack will occur, but where and when. I hope that we will never come to the point that these things cease to shock us, but perhaps surprise is not in order any more.

London's Reaction

From the London News Review

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?

This is London. We've dealt with your sort before. You don't try and pull this on us.
Do you have any idea how many times our city has been attacked? Whatever you're trying to do, it's not going to work.

All you've done is end some of our lives, and ruin some more. How is that going to help you? You don't get rewarded for this kind of crap.

And if, as your MO indicates, you're an al-Qaeda group, then you're out of your tiny minds.
Because if this is a message to Tony Blair, we've got news for you. We don't much like our government ourselves, or what they do in our name. But, listen very clearly. We'll deal with that ourselves. We're London, and we've got our own way of doing things, and it doesn't involve tossing bombs around where innocent people are going about their lives.

And that's because we're better than you. Everyone is better than you. Our city works. We rather like it. And we're going to go about our lives. We're going to take care of the lives you ruined. And then we're going to work. And we're going down the pub.

So you can pack up your bombs, put them in your arseholes, and get the fuck out of our city."

Well said indeed.

(Via Andrew Sullivan)

It continues...

The terrorists continue their attacks. Today it was London.

This is not about Iraq, this is not about the G8. This is about a group of nihilists seeking to destroy our way of life. They cannot be reasoned with, they cannot be appeased. They must be defeated.

Canadians need to understand that this is about us too. Unfortunately, I don't get the sense that we do.

From the folks who brought you WeLoveTheIraqiInformationMinister.com

Tom Cruise Is Nuts*


*For those of you who feel that this is outside the mandate of this blog, please note that Tom Cruise is an ambassador for one of the world's great religions and I had totally always intended to deal with spiritual issues.

I confess I had just assumed France was just going to buy it this time

London has won the Olympic Bid. Jacques Chirac is a loser...

I tried to resist, but...

Refering to the English, Jacques Chirac said that he "can't trust people who have such bad food...". Hmmm. How to reply, how to reply? I know: you certainly trusted us to help liberate you from the Germans.

Next time you're in a spot of trouble ask the Italians to help or something, we'll be at home eating fish and chips (I haven't felt so viscerally English, or non-vegetarian in a very long time).

I suppose we're all entitled to our opinions...

African Union leaders meeting for a summit in Libya have expressed reservations about whether the G8 leaders will be able to solve Africa's problems.

President of Sudan, Omar al-Bashir thinks that the G8 countries have their own problems to worry about and can't be solving Africa's:

But if it can, the G8 should “not only lift the interest on debt but the debts themselves, because they are the biggest catastrophe facing African countries...”

Really? 'Cos I kinda thought that the biggest catastrophe facing his country was the willingness of the government to turn armed militias on its own citizens.

But as usual, our old friend Bobby chose the most appropriate thing to say:

“This is the most important African summit ever for it concentrates on real problems in the continent which are security and poverty,” President Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe told AP.

I can only assume that he isn't referring to the kind of security that comes from having a house to sleep in.

Shall we just hand them over a big pile of cash right now? Because, let's face it, you can't accuse either one of them of being the kind of man who can't get things done.

Damn you G8, listen to these people!

There is an interesting piece in the Christian Science Monitor asking Africans and Live 8 attendees about the solutions to Africa's problems. I think it's fair to say that the concert goers could do with a little bit more 'consciousness raising' of their own before the G8 leaders listen to them. My personal favourite was the Italian who couldn't name a single African leader (only half of those asked could), who claimed that he himself was a victim: a victim of a lack of information. Because that's the big problem at the start of the 21st Century, there just aren't enough sources for information. A person who gives a damn about Africa could never find out about Thabo Mbeki's strange beliefs about HIV/AIDS or how Robert Mugabe is destroying Zimbabwe, or how Joseph Kabila is supposed to be leading DR Congo toward democracy despite a complete lack of ability, or the attempts of Yoweri Museveni's supporters to change Uganda's constitution so that he could run for another term in office. Even assuming that your only source for information (you poor victim) is the TV news, you might have heard about how Moammar Gadhafi gave up his nuclear weapons program last year. No? Well, don't let that stop you from having an opinion on the solution to Africa's problems!

It is telling that the Africans interviewed had far less faith in their leader's to spend aid money effectively than the incredibly well informed concert-goers. They must have been brainwashed by Western imperialists or something.

Don't Be Like Kofi!

In a documentary made by the BBC Kofi Annan expresses disappointment that the world has barely reacted to the genocide in Darfur. If he was the sort of person in a position to get the world to pay attention, I'm sure he would talk about it every day to whomever would listen and shame the world into do something. As it is, he's just the Secretary-General of the United Nations.

He also points out that the world's response to this genocide proves that we learned nothing from Rwanda. I won't disagree with him on that point. But what I find most interesting about his statement is not that we haven't learned anything from Rwanda, but that most of the world hasn't learned anything about Rwanda. Or at least the genocide that occurred there. Because anyone who knows anything about Rwanda in 1994 knows that while Romeo Dallaire was begging the UN for the power to do something to prevent the slaughter of hundreds of thousands of people, Kofi was urging caution.

In the same documentary, the American Ambassador to the U.N., John Danforth provides excuses as to why the U.S. could not consider military intervention. If Kofi really wanted to see action he would be saying to people like John Danforth every day "11 years ago I was like you, I didn't see the urgency, I watched people die and came up with excuses to not do anything when people were demanding that we stop murder and I have to live with that every day. Don't be like me." But the thing is, despite the fact that he should feel tremendous guilt, I don't get the sense that Rwanda profoundly affected him. If it had, he wouldn't just offer pat phrases like "we learned nothing from Rwanda".

Happy Canada Day.... morons!

Let's celebrate this Canada Day by acknowledging how completely ignorant we are about our history.

Homeless Zimbabweans Glum

A U.N. Envoy is in Zimbabwe this week and is preparing a report on the demolitions that have left hundreds of thousands of people homeless. Despite my initial skepticism that the U.N. never really accomplishes anything, I have to confess that she seems to be asking the hard-hitting questions.

"'When I asked them if they were happy, I got a resounding no. So definitely there are challenges that we have to sort out,' she said, quoted by AFP news agency, after visiting the Caledonia Farm site [where displaced people are being housed]."

Elsewhere on the continent, people are starting to express concerns that Darfuris are "feeling a little low".

As if to prove my point....

The African Union has declared that they will not pressure Robert Mugabe to stop his campaign to destroy his own country. Because, ya know, they've got bigger things to worry about. Which, whilst true on a 'I would rather have my home and business knocked down and lose my livelihood than be violently raped by marauding janjaweed and have my village destroyed by fire as they leave' level, doesn't really inspire much hope for solving Africa's problems.

Zimbabwe had potential, it had plentiful natural resources and a functioning economy, but in recent years Robert Mugabe has destroyed this, along with any sense of democracy. We can send aid and cancel debt until kingdom come, but until Africans start dealing with their own problems, nothing is going to improve.

South Africa's government continues to show an unwillingness to confront the problem, despite the fact that Zimbabwe's dependence on them for electricity means that they could have significant influence in this situation. According to the president's spokesman:

"South Africa refuses to accept the notion that because suddenly we're going to a G8 summit, we must be reminded that we must look good and appease the G8 leaders," he said.... We will do things because we believe they are correct and right."

Stay home then. The whole point of South Africa being invited is that the G8 leaders are supposed to be talking about how to resolve Africa's economic problems. With its response to the Mugabe issue, the South African government has shown that they really have no interest in this. I see no purpose in their involvement. Zimbabwe is a country populated mostly by black people, Mugabe is a black man; Thabo Mbeki is still so caught up in apartheid-era struggles, that he does not seem to be able to wrap his head around the idea of black people as oppressors. But it is time to grow up and come to terms with the fact that Africans need real solutions, not just people spouting anti-colonial jargon......Well, either that or a bunch of free concerts in major cities (and Barrie) across the globe demanding that the G8 solve all of Africa's problems by cancelling their debt. Yeah, let's do that instead.

Lemon on Live8

So Bob "I care so much about Africa I have no time for personal hygiene" Geldolf has climbed back up on his soapbox and it is time for us to care about Africa again. Who said the eighties aren't back?

This time the concerts are free rather than being fundraising events, because although we are trying to increase aid to Africa, the idea that individuals have responsiblity goes against Bob's leftist principles. Rather, we must lobby our governments, who will take our money and decide how it is best spent. Because they do such a good job with that domestically.

The one thing I will say for the original Live Aid is that, as a child at that time, I remember fundraising and worrying about the little children in Africa who weren't getting fed. Sure, our efforts resulted in propping up a Marxist government that would have made Stalin proud, but they never told us that on Blue Peter. At least there was a message that we could all chip in and make things better rather than waiting for the government.

We have all hopefully learned that the solution is not just to throw money at Africa (or anywhere else for that matter), and if you listen closely that is not even what the Live8 people are saying. But the problem with both Live Aid and Live8 is that they treat Africa and Africans like they are a project. As if there is nothing that Africans can do but sit around and wait for rich countries to solve their problems. People keep talking about a "Marshall Plan" for Africa. We have sent far more money to the countries of Africa over the years than was given to Europe by the Marshall Plan. But Africa continues to have major problems. More money is not the solution. Africans need to get their own houses in order. Yes, debt relief is important for a country like DR Congo, which is indebted to people who sent funds knowing full well that Mobutu was using it to buy himself a lavish lifestyle. But you could erase Congo's debt tomorrow and it would still have a war in its eastern provinces, it would still have corruption and its elections would still be on hold. The Marshall Plan existed to help the countries of Europe rebuild after the war. Africa is not post-war Europe.

And what the hell is fair trade? Getting rid of farm subsidies in Europe and North America that are destroying agrarian economies? Sure, I'm all for that. But what the Live8 people seem to want to do is have state ownership of industry in Africa (I have to guess that this is what they want to do, because their website is very short on actual facts and very big on "the rich are so evil and trying to screw over Africa!") . Well, Mobutu was certainly all for state-owned industry. Let the people who have been robbing Africans of their wealth for decades continue to control everything. That sounds like a plan!

I will grant you that the gap between rich and poor is getting wider. Which matters not at all, because the poor (despite what they like to say) are not getting poorer. It is not a zero-sum game. I'm not poorer because Bill Gates has billions of dollars. The people of Africa aren't poorer because I have thousands of dollars. The fact that lots of people live on $2 a day means nothing (have you noticed that their income has doubled in the last few years? It used to be $1. My income has doubled in the last few years too, but I was a student before... unless the continent of Africa also graduated from university in the past decade, it seems that they are doing pretty well!). What is $2 worth in a small village in Chad? I haven't a clue. I know it's worth more than $2 in Toronto. I'm not going to suggest that there isn't massive poverty or that millions of people are unable to meet even their basic needs. But irrelevant statistics about how much a person earns in US dollars when they are living in a completely different economic system help nobody. There is a poverty in Africa that cannot even be imagined in North America. But that is not the whole story. There is also a developing middle class. Africa is much better than it was 20 years ago. The poor are getting richer.

Live8 seems to be about making Africa a permanent welfare continent. The average African would be much better served by a huge marketing blitz pointing out that Africa is a great place for cheap labour. Perhaps you're not going to open up a factory in Darfur, but you could open one in Gaberone or Kampala. There are parts of Africa where the population is not educated enough, and the government is too corrupt for most companies to set up shop. But a lot of resistance to investing in Africa comes from the perception that it is a lost continent. Bob Geldolf and his ilk are never going to be part of changing this, because they don't think that corporations can make anything better. For all the supposed evils of globalisation, where would you rather raise a family, South Korea or Niger?

There is no wealth creation when I send money to Africa, there is just a transfer of funds to help people get by. But when someone starts a company or opens a plant, that person hires people, who can now pay taxes, and buy local products and the economy actually grows. And people use their wealth to educate their children, who start companies of their own. Ah, capitalism! And the great thing about this system, as opposed to the Live8 debt relief/aid/state owned industry solution is that it actually creates permanent wealth, and isn't dependant on Bob Geldolf hosting a rock concert every twenty years or so.

I do applaud Bob Geldolf and Bono for actually caring and trying to do something. They certainly aren't just paying lip-service to the problem, like so many other celebrities tend to do. I just wish they would take a second to recognize that what made them so wealthy wasn't somebody paying off their Visa bill as a favour when they were poor musicians, but a company recognizing their potential, taking a risk and investing in them. What worked for U2 can work for Africa.

So it's not Hal Holbrook?

The identity of Deep Throat has finally been revealed. It is very exciting that we finally know the answer to one of the best kept secrets ever (I hate being out of the loop!). But I think the best part of it coming out like this is that Bob Woodward doesn't get to do his big reveal when Deep Throat dies. Thank you Mr. Felt!

Partisan Politics makes Belinda Sad :-(

Apparently, Belinda was hurt by all the mean things that were said about her last week when she decided to get in bed with the Liberals (condoms boys!) .... I mean sold herself for a cabinet position... I mean showed herself to be a political whore... I mean realised that her politics were more adequately reflected by the party that is all about staying in power and not having any principles... I mean.... all of those things.

Anyway, she thinks that the reason that Canadians are tuned out of politics is how partisan it has become. In this regard I have to respect her for standing up for what she believes in: she realises that politics can't be partisan if all the politicians belong to the same party.

Whining in an interview yesterday Belinda had this to say about the response to her decision last week: "There were a lot of negative comments made, and I find that disgraceful, quite frankly." I have to say, given the audacity of this woman -- she abandoned her (supposed) principle's in return for a cushy cabinet position and she is telling people off -- she really is wasted in Paul Martin's cabinet. Surely Robert Mugabe has a job for her!

Frankly I'm rather sick of all the reaction about how we've been mean and sexist to poor Belinda. To begin with, calling someone a whore is not sexist. As a woman, I have never really identified strongly with the term 'whore' and if you do (regardless of your sex), perhaps you have some soul searching to do. And it was Belinda that decided to play dirty politics, she can't now turn around and ask that people treat her with the utmost civility. It's all very nice for Belinda that none of this really matters to her and that daddy's got her job waiting when she's bored of this politics thing, but some people actually care. And when you do the dirty on people, they tend to get upset and say mean things that make you sad. So if you can't play the game.... I don't know, you finish the sports metaphor... I'm just a girl.

Why don't we all join up?

As if allowing Peter McKay to put his penis inside her wasn't disgusting enough, Belinda has decided to go down yet another level and has joined the Liberals.

I say everyone join the Liberals and make this a one party state. Nobody cares anyway, why delay the inevitable?

How about we don't play politics with human tragedy. Deal?

On Thursday King Paul promised to send 500 troops to Sudan in order to buy David Kilgour's vote of confidence in the House of Commons. You have to love a man who suddenly cares about genocide when his job is on the line. Oh, the compassion! Unfortunately, it seems buying votes isn't as easy when you're dealing with the slaughter of innocents as when you're paying Canadians off with their own cash. It turns out Sudan doesn't want Canadian peacekeepers trying to stop them from raping and murdering their own citizens, Omar Hassan al-Bashir having less interest in seeing King Paul stay in power than, say, Dalton McGuinty.

And if we thought it would be that easy all along, just sending a few troops over to help the African Union, why didn't we do it a long time ago. I'm sure HRH King Paul I will pretend that he is surprised by this turn of events. He has tried his best to help the people of Darfur, but the mean Sudanese aren't having it. You can't blame him. But the government had to know all along that Sudan wouldn't be welcoming the Canadian military with open arms. Now Paul can say he tried his very best, but things didn't work out. This was dirty politicking from day one.

Every day I think they have sunk about as low as they can go. But using the misery and despair of Africa to help you stay in power Paul. I have to say "Bravo", because you have surprised even jaded Bitter Lemon with the depths to which you will sink. I'm starting to agree with the rest of Canada. You might just deserve the position of PM because you clearly want it so badly.

Election Fraud in Britain?

Zimbabwe TV is accusing the British government of voter fraud in last week's election.

Sure, Zimbabwe might be spiraling out of control, but you have to give Mugabe credit for keeping us constantly entertained.

Do you think there's an election coming?

In the past two weeks I have received two pieces of mail from my MP Tony Ianno (addressed directly to "the Varley household" which makes me want to either change my name or move...). So if there was any doubt that there was an election coming....

The first piece of mail included a copy of Tony's speech in parliament, perhaps offered as evidence that he showed up to work one day? (if you haven't witnessed Tony explain that it is not really necessary, you won't know what a special event this is).

Today's piece of mail documents how the Liberals are using my money to buy my vote. First of all my money is to be spent looking after other people's children, because financing megahomes and SUVs leaves little money over for childcare. Raise your own damn kids!

$171 million will be spent over the "next five years to celebrate Canada and help Canadian diversity find its voice in communities across the country".... think the sponsorship scandal only spread out over all 10 provinces.

But amidst the $60 million each being given to fight the evil Sea Lamprey and keep quality CBC documentaries that teach me about the evils of the nation to the south of us on the air (you just know the Sea Lamprey is American!), the $688 million being given to the Tommorow Starts Today (no, it doesn't) art and cultural package (it's probably best I don't know what this is), the $2.1 billion on health care that they will be spending to "reduce waiting times" in Ontario (which should not be confused with the $194 million on medical equipment ... forgive me but aren't the two related?... are they double counting? I guess I just don't really get how they specifically direct funds to reducing waiting times, isn't it related to other things?) , the best is the $100 million being given to Ford of Canada and the $207 "investment" in Pratt and Whitney, because of all the welfares, corporate is my favourite. Aren't you glad that you work hard every day to give your money to the poor folk at Ford? Doesn't it make you want to vote Liberal?

Is someone really reading this and thinking it is a program they want to get behind? Really? Personally, I think Tony ('Yanno' if you're in the know 'Eye-anno' to the rest of us) would do himself a lot more good if he just sent around a mailing saying "I've been doing this for so long that I have no marketable skills. If I don't get re-elected I'll be unemployed". Go for the sympathy vote!

At last!

Do you feel like certain voices aren't being represented by the mainstream media? Do you feel like the New York Times, the Washington Post and CNN show only one perspective on the world? Well, today all of that is over because Arianna Huffington's group blog "The Huffington Report" has begun. Finally, all of Arianna's big name Hollywood friends will have a forum for their voice. Hopefully this will just be the start of the trend and someone will find Bono a bully pulpit for his views on AIDS and Third World Debt Relief or Tom Cruise/John Travolta on their beliefs on Scientology. Maybe one day Michael Moore may even find a place for his opinion. But for today you will have to settle for such silenced voices as Laurie David (Larry's annoying wife), Julia-Louis Dreyfuss and her husband Brad Hall (what, no Jerry Seinfeld?!), Mike Nichols, John Cusack, Ellen Degeneres and Davids Mamet and Frum. Finally their opinions will be heard!

It's not that I object to Arianna starting a megablog and inviting all her big name friends to join in. After all, what is America about if not self-promotion? It's that she actually pretends this thing is going to offer a new perspective.

"The Huffington Post is going to be two things. Its really taking the two things that worked great on the Internet—which is news and the blogosphere—and combining them, bringing to the Internet voices that haven’t been there, as well as voices that are there. I’ve believed for a while now that some of the most interesting things are happening online and yet many of the very interesting people haven’t been a part of the online conversation."

Warren Beatty and Gwyneth Paltrow have been left out of the discussion for too long. Thank you Arianna!

Thank you

Thousands of people turned out in the Netherlands today to honour the Canadian troops who freed their country from the Nazis 60 years ago. It is at times like this that we are reminded that the freedom we take for granted was not won easily. The Canadian military played an important role in fighting fascism in Europe.

As much as people like to talk these days about Canada's role in the world as peacekeepers, our soldiers earned a reputation as brave fighters during the wars of the 20th Century. We should not forget this side of our history. While not dismissing the work that soldiers have done as peacekeepers throughout the world, it is important to acknowledge that Canada has not traditionally been a pacifist nation and did not shy away from a fight when it was necessary.

Many thousands of Canadians gave their lives defeating the forces of tyranny. We all -- not just Europeans -- owe them our thanks.

Zimbabwe will keep us in check

Have your Human Rights been violated? Don't worry, Zimbabwe is on the case! Yes, everyones favourite former hope for a continent turned impoverished dictatorship has been re-elected to the UN's Human Right's Commission. The Commission, which exists mostly to scoff at those whose human rights are being violated, is currently populated by such fine nations as Sudan (who will defend your human right to commit genocide any day of the week), Cuba (who needs freedom when you've got a high literacy rate?), and China ('cos Tiannanmen was like 16 years ago, so get over it).

The reason you have to love Zimbabwe though is because they're so brazen. Quoth Zimbabwe's ambassador to the UN: "Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones." That's right, stone throwing should only be done outdoors, at those standing in line to vote in national elections. With insights like these the oppressed of the world can rest easy.

Now somebody please remind me again why I was fine to go into Iraq without UN approval?

I want an election and I want it NOW!

So the despicable piece of filth that calls himself our Prime Minister has decided to cancel his trip to Holland because he has decided to govern like a tin-pot dictator who can't leave the country for fear of a coup.

King Paul was supposed to be going to Holland to honour the Canadian men who fought and gave their lives liberating the country from the Nazis. But then he realised, what the fuck, most of them are dead and the rest of them too old and sick to make it to the polls on election day anyway, so who gives a rats ass about them?

I realise that the Liberals don't think that Canada has a role in the world other than mouthing off occassionally, as they proved by dismantling our military. But could they not at least still pay homage to our proud past as a nation that fought against tyranny. You know, at least while some of those who gave their youth and risked their lives to fight for our country are still alive. Is it too much to ask?

In trying to save his government, he has proven once and for all that he is not fit to govern.

Bitter Lemon's Response to King Paul's Address To the Nation

I realise that my response comes a few hours later than those of Stephen, Gilles and Jack. For that you can blame Blogger, which was down earlier this evening.

My fellow Canadians, mesdames et monsieurs, tonight I want to tell you something that was not said by any of the party leaders: this whole damn mess is your fault. I feel about as sorry for Canadians as I do for someone who gives out their credit card number to the guy on the phone who says you've won a vacation and will just need your information to hold your reservation. You fell for their bullshit and now you must pay. Unfortunately for me, you bastards gave them my credit card number too. You elected a party whose one and only goal is getting and staying in power. And then you re-elected them. And then you figured, hey what the hell, everyone knows Visa picks up the tab when it's fraud, we'll elect them one more time.

But Bitter Lemon, that's not fair: for most of that time -- if not all of it -- the other parties were a total and utter mess. You're right, they were/are. And guess what? That's your fault too. Why? Because, let's face it, you don't care. The last attempt that this country had at a political conversation was the Charlottetown Accord and even then most people didn't really understand the details of what they were voting for in the referendum. That apparently exhausted us and, despite the fact that we've had three elections since then, no one has really seemed very fussed. One of our provinces nearly left and it didn't even lead to a discussion about who we are as a nation. We've spent over a decade talking about who is most commited to maintaining the status quo when it comes to health care. I can't possibly think why the Liberals felt like they could steal our money without anyone noticing.

Personally, I think the most telling part of Paul Martin's speech was when he pointed out that he practically lived on Parliament Hill, as his dad was a cabinet minister in 4 Liberal governments (at first I thought he was asking us to excuse his behaviour, like a repentant wife abuser who grew up in an abusive home; but then I realised he was proud: "I smacked my bitch up real good last night".) Paul Martin has wanted to be Prime Minister his entire life. And basically the response of Canadians wasn't, 'maybe we should find someone who has a vision for the nation', but, 'gee, he seems to want it so bad, how can we say no to him now? He's waited so long for it'. And just as Paul got what he always wanted he is in danger of losing it without even having had a chance to make a name for himself as Prime Minister. And he's flailing because he doesn't know what to do. Because, despite his ability to figure out 'just stay close to Parliament Hill and they'll give you the reins eventually', he now seems genuinely concerned that he won't be able to talk his way out of this one.

And even though there is nothing I would like more than to see this man fall on his face, I'm going to give him some advice. Keep up with the scary-conservatives-will-come-to-power/
separatists-going-to-tear-apart-the-country line. Why? Not because Canadians are really all that worried about either of these scenarios, but because both of these things will involve serious political discussion and that is all very tiring and Canadians just don't want to hear it and are willing to just vote Liberal to make it stop. Ssshhh, Idol is on (that's the kind of election Canadians can get behind!).

Now, I must confess, I'm giving this advice to Paul for my own ends. It's kind of a social experimment. Sorry Canadians, but I want to see just how politically apathetic we can get as a nation before it all goes to hell. Like, will a province or two have to separate or will it just be that the boomers will get really old, need serious medical care and not be willing to put up with mediocre services available to them? ('cos, as we all know, seniors have nothing better to do so they vote). I guess only time will tell.

And may God continue to bless socialised medicine.

We have Pope!

Ratzinger. No real surprise there I suppose. Benedict XVI.

Let's just hope it doesn't result in a run of babies called Benedict.

Toronto Star gears up for an election

Well, clearly the Star thinks an election call is just around the corner, 'cos it's time to rev up the Tory bashing into high gear. A headline on the Star's website:

'Tories flip-flop on Kyoto climate deal'

The point of the article? That the Liberal government has released the rather vague details of Canada's Kyoto commitment to mixed reviews. Oh, and by the way, now that it's ratified the Tories have accepted that they can't get out of it. I'd say they selected the most appropriate headline. No?

Don't worry, even though the Tories are coming to forcibly impregnate you (and, apparently much to the Star's chagrin, make you accept a bullshit treaty that the Star believes in), the Liberals will protect you:

"...Liberal ministers sounded confident they'll be around to implement
the plan despite their government's current precarious position.
'Canada will do its share for the planet because that is our responsibility,'
said Environment Minister Stephane Dion."

Golly gee, aren't the Liberals swell? They want to protect the planet and save the world! I say we all gather at Olympic Stadium in Rimouski and hold a rally for them!

Don't let the bastards get you down.... oh wait, you are the bastards

It's taken me a while, but I think I've finally decided on my absolute favourite thing about politics in this country. I know what you're thinking: "How could you possibly narrow it down, there are so many things: the depth of the debate, like how you can preface anything with 'American-style' to define it as bad and hide behind 'Charter Rights' (as if Canadians actually care) when you don't want to admit your actual opinion on something; the wide range of issues discussed from health care to health care and back again; the fact that you vote for an individual, not a party, but their opinion doesn't count because party line is totally where it's at; and the fact that we have a minority government but the Prime Minister still acts like he's God on high."

And you're right, those are all wonderful things about our nation's politics. But at the end of the day -- at the federal level -- I think I'm going to have to go with the fact that the Liberals have been in office for over a decade but they still act like the victimised ones. The mean opposition threatening to call an election over a little thing like the sponsorship scandal! “Obviously, if Stephen Harper and the Bloc Québécois are going to come together to force an election, there's going to be an election,” concedes King Paul. (I love how they never refer to the Conservatives, but rather 'Stephen Harper', ooh, the evil Stephen Harper, the man who is going to make you have eight children and take away a woman's one and only choice in this world -- except that he has repeatedly said that he is not and it would never fly in Canada... but I digress).

You see Your Highness, you did not win a majority of the vote, despite how hard you tried to scare everyone into voting for you last time around (do not vote NDP or you'll get Stephen Harper... did you not read/see the Handmaid's Tale people? STEPHEN HARPER!!!) And now the dirty little secrets about your dirty little scheming party are coming out and Canadians aren't impressed. Well, if we're being honest, most Canadians aren't really paying any attention, which is why we're in this sorry mess in the first place. But I'll leave that for another day.

The thing about the parliamentary system is that if you don't get the majority of the seats you can't govern like a dictator like your predecesor. So, yes, it sucks for you that you have to deal with the fallout from his corrupt 'little guy from Shawinigan' ways, but it sucks for me that I have to live with a Liberal government at the provincial and federal levels. And you're the one who chose to jump into bed with these power-hungry ideology-free politicians in the first place (by the way, I didn't mean ideology free as a compliment... politicians should have political principals). So please stop trying to come off as the victim in all of this. The criminals in this case are not the people that are trying to 'force' an election... the criminals are the people who took my hard earned dollars and ... well, you tell me what they did with it (no seriously, if I promise not to publish it, will you? Promise!).

Go on then arrest me

So would this constitute breaching the publication ban?

I couldn't really plead not guilty, since I do have comtempt for the court. Silly courts, don't they understand that nobody is paying attention anyway? So what if the government squandered our money padding the pockets of their buddies in Quebec.... we weren't using it anyway!

R.I.P Karol

Though not a Catholic, I really liked Pope John Paul II. The role he played in the fall of communism in Eastern Europe cannot be denied, and for that alone he earned a place as one of the great moral leaders of the 20th century.

I went to see him at World Youth Day in Toronto two years ago, which I suppose puts me among the millions who the media keeps saying he 'met' during his papacy. Given the size of the park, my distance from the stage and, of course, the fact that I am not a believer, I can't honestly say that I took anything away from my experience with the pope. But I respected the fact that, despite his state of poor health at the time, he made the journey to Toronto. It will be interesting to see if the next pope continues in his tradition of travelling the world.

He has been pope since the year I was born, so it is weird to think that there will be somebody else in the role. It is unlikely that any other pope could have as much of an impact on the world at large as Karol Wojtyla. He will be missed.