If only...

Would that it were so.

Tony Ianno to be re-elected

Jack's little woman, Olivia Chow, has announced she will be stepping down from Toronto City Council to run again in Trinity-Spadina. You know, because her previous two attempts were so successful.

Must the opposition parties give up before the election is even called?

Paul Martin needs to pick up a history book

The government has fallen (which means for a few short weeks I can at least pretend that there could be a non-Liberal government).

King Paul was just speaking to his courtiers. He explained that Canadians should support the Liberal party because the Liberals believe in the values on which this country was founded. Among those values? The Charter of Rights and Freedoms. Oh, that great foundational document of Canadian history. Much like the Bill of Rights in the United States it outlined from the start the principles of this great nation.

Who could have known, over two decades ago, when our founding father Pierre Elliot Trudeau struggled against all odds to define the rights of the citizens of a new nation, whether this group of ten provinces and two territorries brought together only by our harsh terrain could succeed. But he had faith. And now the Liberals have delivered a record eight years of profit surplus. A wonderful history for a wonderful nation.

I know he's a busy man, but maybe he has time to pick up Canadian History for Dummies or something.

And you really want to be part of this Michael?

The Liberals are threatening to sue Stephen Harper for his claims that they were involved in organized crime.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines organized crime as:

crime which is deliberately organized and not petty or opportunistic, esp. that which is arranged and carried out in a systematic way on a large scale; the people who perpetrate this kind of crime collectively.

How can anybody who has heard the findings of the Gomery Inquiry disagree with this assessment? How are the Liberals allowed to constantly get away with behaving like the victim in all of this? Have we become so polite in this country that it is considered rude to point out in the run-up to an election campaign that the ruling party used government programs to steal money from taxpayers?

Maybe after they get re-elected (and let's face it, they will) they can change the laws so that it becomes a treasonous offense to speak ill of the Liberals. That way instead of having to sue opposition leaders, they can just have them imprisoned.

I believe the term is carpetbagging

It seems Michael Ignatieff has confirmed that he will be running as a Liberal in the next election in the riding of Etobicoke-Lakeshore. The man left Canada in 1978 and has since lived in England and the U.S. So exactly why anyone feels it is appropriate that he would run for election in Canada is beyond me.

But setting aside for one moment the question of whether he should run, can someone please tell me why he would want to? Is there some kind of glory in being a Liberal MP? Which sounds better in your mind, Director of the Carr Centre for Human Rights at Harvard or the Honourable Member for Etobicoke-Lakeshore?

The rumours are that he is aiming for party leader. Really? Why would it strike him that it would be okay for a man who has lived outside the country since before we patriated the constitution to aim for Prime Minister?

I love Michael Ignatieff's work on international human rights and have always thought him to be a strongly princpled man. But the idea that he can return to Canada after so much time and hope to jump into a leadership role in government is beyond arrogant. Welcome to the Liberal Party!

Why didn't anybody tell me?

Lewis Lapham is stepping down as editor of Harpers!!! This was announced earlier this month and somehow I completely missed it. The man has held the job longer than I have been alive, so perhaps he was a little past due for stepping down. I was a subscriber for years until it became positively unreadable in the post-9/11 world (we get it, you hate Bush). See, I can read nutty left-wing, just not boring nutty left-wing.

Encyclopedia Hanasiana has some ideas about who might replace Lapham. One can only hope that they don't take up his suggestion of Thomas Frank, author of Why Won't The Little People Act Like I Want them To? What's the Matter with Kansas? If a magazine is going to be relevant in the 21st Century, it is probably best to avoid people who are still able to use the term 'class warfare' with a straight face.

You didn't win a majority!

The Liberals are rejecting opposition demands to call an election. Remember last year when we went to the polls and re-elected them? I seem to recall something about them not winning a majority of the votes. Now, my understanding of minority governments is that they have to rely on the support of the other parties to govern. Granted, I clearly lack some fundamental understanding of the Canadian political system because I have never felt compelled to vote Liberal, and I have to imagine that the people who continue to do so know something I don't. Otherwise I would have to believe that a majority of Canadians are stupid.

Supposedly 6/10 Canadians don't want a Christmas Election. I'm personally a little concerned that Canadians being asked this question are of the opinion that they're going to have to go to the polls on December 25th. Does it really matter when you go and vote? Just show up at the polling station, put a tick beside the name of your Liberal candidate (does not apply to those in Alberta and Quebec), go home and eat some leftover turkey. See how easy? Of course, 6/10 Canadians is about the number who don't vote in a given election anyway. Maybe it's just that they keep timing them wrong. They're all waiting for a February 29th election.

Looking for someone to spam?

Why not try info@softlandings.com. Strangely, despite the fact that they use my comments section as their own free advertising space almost daily, they don't post their e-mail address on-line. It's almost like they are trying to avoid junk mail. I can only imagine that Softlandings is a scam that shouldn't be trusted by anyone interested in immigration to Canada.

Lest We Forget

To those who fought for our freedoms. Thank you.

The sad thing is that this is news

U.S. Deputy Secretary of State Robert Zoellick became frustrated with a regional commissioner in Darfur and yelled at him! According to CNN this "illustrated the difficulties of peacemaking in the restive region of western Sudan." I would suggest that all of the dead civilians and destroyed villages were a better illustration of said difficulties, but what do I know?

What is this need that the media has to talk in such polite terms about Sudanese officials and to pretend that they are anything other than a bunch of murderous thugs? Ethnic Arabs (who happen to be black Africans) and ethnic Africans, historical tensions, oh the complexity! Hundreds of thousands of people are dead, millions are displaced. When people see Chad as the better option, things have gotten very very bad. Now, if this was happening anywhere but Africa, we would blame the government. But it's complicated, the Sudanese government claims they are not responsible. Who is the media to doubt them? They do sit on the UN Human Rights Commission, it wouldn't be right to question their commitment to the well-being of their own citizens.

Come on people. It's just crazy tribal warfare, you know what the Africans are like!

Hasn't the man suffered enough?

Bagosora is now claiming that he tried but failed to save the lives of Belgian troops who were murdered by Rwanda soldiers in the days before the genocide. How could he have stopped them, it was just little him, a couple of machine guns and the troops he commanded facing a group of 'rogue' forces. What was a poor colonel to do? Apparently he 'became afraid and withdrew' and the Belgians died. But as proof of the triumph of the human spirit in the face of adversity, he recovered in no time at all to help co-ordinate the murders of 800,000 people. I think there might be room for Theoneste on the motivational speaker circuit.

The murder of the ten Belgian soldiers played a part in the international community's reluctance to send more forces into Rwanda as it descended into chaos in 1994. Of course, the bigger part was played by the fact that the world doesn't really give a damn about Africans being slaughtered by government backed militias (see also: Darfur). You want attention from the international media? Get yourself a distended belly and a swarm of flies and stop whining about the mass slaughter and the rape! 'Cos really, "let them know it's Christmas time and keep their limbs"... not very catchy.

George Smitherman a laughing stock outside of Ontario...

I would like to declare my undying devotion to Stephen Colbert after making fun of my asshole MPP tonight on the Colbert Report for his obscene (but entirely in character) remarks about optometrists being 'terrorists' (apparently they have funny notions about eyesight being important).

George, you are a dick, and now the whole continent knows it.

Update: The clip can be seen here. (Threatdown: From Pirates to Bears)

Lou gets to stay?!

As expected, CNN has decided to get rid of Aaron Brown to make room for more Anderson "Silver Fox" Cooper. Love Anderson as I do, I'm going to miss Aaron. I have to confess a softspot for one of the cheesiest men in the business. But what really bothers me is that this is yet another shake up of the CNN line-up and Lou Dobbs gets to stay (and if it bothers me, think how hurt Aaron must be). Who the hell watches Lou Dobbs?! We get it, we get it: immigrants and foreigners are stealing all the jobs and America's children will become slaves for the Chinese. There's really nothing more to say on the topic.

Not only does Lou get to stay, but they are working 'The Situation Room' around his schedule! Sadly, there are probably lots of us out there who will watch three straight hours of Wolf Blitzer, but two hours of Wolf, an hour of Lou and another hour of Wolf? Does this make sense to anyone? Clearly Lou Dobbs has incriminating photos of Jonathan Klein. How else to explain it?

Wipe the smile off your face

Scott Brison is on TV again, it is 7 hours later and he still hasn't wiped the smile off his face. This is not good news for Canada Scottie!

You know the longer you guys go on seeming really happy about this, the likelier it is that Canadians are going to clue in that people around King Paul are relieved. The only reason that King Paul's courtiers should be so happy is because they were concerned that the report was going to find him guilty of something. If he didn't do anything wrong, he shouldn't have had any reason to be concerned; so giddy relief strikes me as the wrong emotion.

You know how I like to help His Highness, so might I offer the suggestion that you retune the spin machine?

The Weasel Speaks

Jean Chretien is the only thing that can make me mildly tolerate Paul Martin. As much as I hate King Paul's bullshit, at least he doesn't try to mask the fact that he's a slimy politician behind claims of being a small town boy. The thing that bothers me the most is that Canadians seem to fall for it time and time again (indeed, he seems to be holding the press gallery in his thrall as I write). I mean, people are actually talking about the fact that this man has a legacy that could be damaged by this. What exactly is that legacy? (unless you count consolidating all power in the Prime Ministers Office.)

Jean is explaining that Judge Gomery made an error in blaming the Prime Minister's office for allowing the Liberal Party to steal our money. I can only imagine that he understands Judge Gomery's error to be that he doesn't get that you can't find Liberals guilty of things in this country, because they are above criticism and the law.

He is pointing out that the Sponsorship Program was a small program and the government is very large (I won't disagree with that). Do you know how hard it is to monitor the spending in such a huge government? Stuff like the sponsorship scandal is going to happen and, as I understand his point, we just have to learn to accept it. If we are going to keep this country together, we are just going to have to put up with reckless spending of our money with the funds going directly to the Liberal Party. Come on people. It is for the good of the nation!

Why is everyone so focused on the Liberals? Just because they are the ones who stole the money. Do you know that the NDP relies on the support of labour leaders? The Liberals can't rely on that, so occasionally they have to dip into taxpayer money. Come on people, it's only fair, they've got to level the playing field!

And let us not forget that it is 2005, but have you considered that Brian Mulroney is entirely responsible for this? Because Chretien has. It definitely seems like a Mulroney plot from start to finish. Hey Canadians, remember how much you hate Mulroney? I know you do. He was evil!

On the other hand can you look at Jean's crooked little smile and tell me honestly that you don't trust him? Ah, he had me at Âllo.

A good and decent party

Using the logic that if you say something, it makes it so, Mike Eizenga, President of the Liberal Party of Canada, just explained to CBC viewers that the Liberal Party is a 'good and decent party'. Yes, they used their power to funnel taxpayer money into their coffers, but they've been caught and now they claim that they will be giving the money back and isn't that the good and decent thing to do?

I can almost accept that he believes what he's saying. You have to think about it from the Liberals' perspective, they have a god-given right to rule this country and really don't understand what all this hoopla is about. When did Canadians start to worry about what they did with all that money the government collects?

How could you not be proud?

Someone from Le Devoir just asked King Paul if he was proud to be a Liberal. Of course he is proud! Did you know that it was a Liberal government that established the Gomery inquiry (and did you hear he's been exonerated?).

When pressed that it was the Liberals that were responsible for the scandal that led to the inquiry, Paul just looked at the reporter like she was crazy. Liberals established the inquiry and they're (allegedly) gonna give back the money. Damn bitch, let it drop!

Why does everyone keep acting like the Liberals did something wrong? Didn't everyone hear it was all some guy named Jean (and a healthy dose of opposition "innuendo")?

King Paul is a hero!

The Liberals never let me down. Did you hear it's not HRH King Paul I's fault? 'Cos that's what the report says. PAUL WAS EXONERATED. It's all Jean's fault and he is so yesterday's Prime Minister. Today's Liberals are a totally different group of people who had nothing to do with that guy. Jean who? The 'culture of entitlement' that Gomery refers to in his report is totally non-existant in the post-Jean Liberal party.

I'm watching the coverage on the CBC and Scott Brison needs to calm the fuck down. He's jumping around like a giddy little lap dog. Did you hear Paul's not to blame? Justice Gomery has just released a report outlining the depth of the corruption in the Liberal government and Scott comes out with a grin across his face to point out that IT'S NOT PAUL'S FAULT (Did you hear that yet? Paul had nothing to do with it). Hey Canadians, did you hear that the Liberals were fucking you over for years through the sponsorship scandal and when it became a political liability Paul Martin finally shut that program down? The man's a freaking hero!!!